This isn’t something I planned on blogging about. I have a journal that I occasionally write in. It’s specifically for my future wife. Not knowing who she is, what she will look like, and what kind of habits she has makes it kind of hard to write to her sometimes, but I think it will be cool for her to read one day about things I walk through and the man that I want to be for her and our family. Like I said, I didn’t plan on blogging about this. But after word vomiting in the journal this morning about my current walk and realizing that it could be encouraging to others I decided to post this.
12/15/19
I never really thought these letters would turn into almost journal entries and not specifically letters to you, but I feel like informing you of my walk and struggles I go through might apply to you and encourage you someday.
It is now day 9 in Ecuador, and things are much different than a week ago. Since last week we have started ministry and my team has been going through a multitude of struggles. Community is incredibly hard. My whole life I have leaned more towards being an extrovert. But now in my fourth month on the Race, I just want to be alone. Constantly surrounded by a least 2 or 3 people asking me questions, gossiping about others, or just talking about nonsense, my only escape is putting in headphones and listening to music. Is it that I am getting older, or do I just not like community anymore? I don’t know.
Ministry is very different than my last two months in South Africa. The guys and I hop on a bus and drive an hour into the city of Quito to help with an after school program where most of the time we are just sitting around talking to each other not doing anything at all. Going from a ministry where you see fruit bear right in front of your eyes to doing what I’m doing now is incredibly hard.
Since being in Ecuador, my walk with the Lord has been very hard. Doing a ministry where I will probably never get to see the fruit of my labor, and barely ever getting the chance to get away and spend time with the Lord on my own without numerous distractions, doesn’t help. It’s very hard I’m not gonna lie. My patience is constantly being tested and Satan is constantly attacking me with sins from my past.
This has really turned into a journal entry now haha.
Times like this right here when I can get away and gather my thoughts is when I can focus myself back in. I can really focus on the Man of God that I want to be for myself and others. Time alone is crucial for growth. Distractions are real and come in many forms. Satan is constantly at work trying to pull me away from the Father. Recognizing these distractions and their origin is how I weaken his grasp on my life.
I want to be trusted, I want to be a person of comfort; the shoulder that anyone can cry on. I want to be a man of wisdom, I want to be righteous, I want to be the Lord’s go to guy. I will obey his commands. I will do the uncomfortable for him. I will be the man of the house. I will be the husband you prayed for, and most importantly the husband that God has in store for you. I will be the father our kids need. I will be the father that never gives up. I will be the father that stays by everyone’s side when times get tough.
All of this will come with my constant pursuit after a life like Jesus. A life instructed of me by the Father. No distraction will get in the way of this goal. For this is how I will live for you, for our friends, for our families, for our kids, but most importantly for myself and my relationship with the Father. For His will will be done in me.
-Jack
