Debrief: update, notes, inner healing, and healthy communication

Month one debrief was held in Banos, Ecuador. Debriefs is a set apart time to help our squad process our thoughts and all that we experienced in the past month or months. Our next debrief will be in South Africa after month four. Both our squad mentor and squad coaches came to Banos for our debrief. We had the opportunity to have one on one meetings with our squad leaders (Maddison and Jo), our squad mentor (Ashley aka Fran), and our squad coaches (Doug and Kris). At the end of the day, the whole squad would meet up for a teaching or activity. During this debrief we talked about vulnerability, inner healing, and healthy communication. Our last night we had a celebration to thank God for all that He has provided and given to us. The first night we were told we can get out of debrief whatever we are willing to put into debrief.

Arrival:

‘A’ squad arrived in Banos after a 32-hour travel by bus from Colombia to Banos, Ecuador. We officially arrived in Banos on October 31 at 2 pm. During the duration of debrief we stayed at Santa Cruz Backpackers Hostel. Once we checked in and got settled, many walked around the town and others relaxed in their room. I stayed back in the room because I was still watching a movie I had started on the bus and I wanted to chill in a nice quiet room. After the movie, I took a wonderful HOT shower and got ready for dinner (hot showers are not a norm on the race). For dinner, we went out to an Italian restraint to celebrate Heavens birthday. After dinner, I came back and went to sleep for the night.

Day 1:

Every morning the squad would meet to have breakfast the hostel provided. This morning Fran, our squad mentor met with us and explained how debrief would work, gave a schedule, and we signed up for our one on ones (30 min meetings). The rest of the day was left for relaxing, exploring and going to the supermarket to get stuff for lunch and dinner (if you wanted to cook). Each team had a team check-in with our squad mentor, coaches and leader altogether. Then we have our first session at 7 pm and Fran brought the word. This session was specifically about vulnerability.

My Notes:

• To love at all is to be vulnerable
• Read: The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
• Aren’t their things that are too hot to touch but that you can drink, such as hot soup or tea. Shame is the same way. If you try to wear it, touch it, hold on to it, or to hide behind it, shame will burn you, but if you drink the shame, it can actually be nourishing for your body.
• Christ took all your shame; it is not for you to hold on too.
• Freedom definitions: the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved; the power of self-determination attributed to the will.
• Roman 8:21
• Brene Brown explains shame as the painful feeling or experience of humiliation, distress, loss of control caused by thoughts or feeling of wrong believing we are flawed and undeserving of worth.
• To spend the rest of her life (in the C.S. Lewis book) with God means taking a risk to expose herself to God and for him to see her “shame”.
• Your spirit must transcend your ego for the product of holiness
• Luke 5, shame could have attacked Peter, but Jesus did not shame him he looked at him on the boat and told him he would make him a fisher of men.
• When shame screams out your imperfections, it tells the light to get off because it feels safer in the darkness.
• But in darkness wounds get infected you must bring them into the light to be healed
• We do not have to get caught up on the identity of the world
• Ephesians 5:13-14- sin being exposed
• Bringing things into the light and being vulnerable takes back what the devil has stolen
• Sharing your testimony brings others into freedom.

After sharing the teaching, we wrote on a postcard our greatest fear, unspoken lie, or deepest hidden secret. Next, we were given another postcard to write what the holy spirit had to say about this other postcard. Then we went around reading our first card and following it with the truth. At the end, we burned the first card.

Day 2:

Started out with quiet time and then breakfast following with a session at 10 am where Fran shared about Inner Healing.

NOTES:  

• Your present situation is rarely the true cause of your ongoing emotional pain
• Our day to day circumstances often trigger pains rooted in the past
• Everything we feel has its roots in a first-time experience somewhere

Ask yourself these questions:

1. What is the present emotional feeling and or pain?
2. What is the original memory/ Where did it all begin? (ask holy spirit to bring the memory forward)
3. What are the original lies that are planted in the memory container?
4. What is the truth from the Holy Spirit?

• People are in emotional bondage due to 2 factors: Choice and belief
• Mark 4:22 let the light expose what you are feeling
• John 16:12 we have to surrender all the baggage.

I am going to be vulnerable and share my answers to this Inner Healing Activity.

1. Scared, lack of commitment, want for control/want walls for protection, fear of knowing self
2. Feeling like a slave as a child and feeling like I was taking care of everyone, but no one was taking care of me. I had a babysitter once who I really struggled with, my mom would always ask me to bring her things though she was closer to the kitchen than I was and after I brought her the thing I was not going to get to spend time with her I would return to my room to play alone, my mom and pop have diabetes and there was responsibility that came along with it. Just because this was my perspective as a child does not mean it was a reality, though it was a reality in some way to me.
3. Only useful when needed, only wanted when useful, caretaker, alone, not really seen, must bring value to the table, independence is a must because I can not need people, there will be expectations attached, care for others, don’t let others care for you they will have expectations for payment, your strong, none of this bothers you, you do not need anyone.
4. From God: Your mom loves you more than anything in the world, you were never alone my sweet child I was always there. Your mom took care of you the best she knew how, and I was there to care for you in all other things, you were never alone, I gave you a beautiful imagination that kept you happy and playing for hours and hours, WOW how I love your creativity, my smart child. Hayden it is I who cares for people not you, child you have to remember to take those burdens off of your shoulders, you put them in your hand, and you lay them back where they belong at the feet of Jesus. My princess, there is no payment needed I have paid it all. To know yourself there is no fear for I created you and you are perfectly and wonderfully made, I have transformed who you used to be, you no longer walk that path. Hayden remember Psalms 23

I am your Shepard; you will never want. I make you lie down in green pastures. I lead you by still waters. I restore your soul. I lead you in paths of righteousness for my namesake. Even though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death you have no reason to fear evil, for I am with you, and my rod and my staff will comfort you. I have prepared a table for you in the presence of your enemies. I have anointed your head with oil and your cup will always be overflowing. You know my goodness and my mercy, and they will follow you all the days of your life and you will dwell in my house, my beautiful child.

 Well, I would love to say the end, but there is more to the day. After our session, I had a one on one with Doug in the park and he shared about a book he is reading and how it seems we fall into one ditch on the side of the road or the other. These ditches are selfishness or people pleasers. Which really goes with my inner healing because I was on the people-pleasing side, and I held so much resentment which is why I was afraid of knowing self because I knew the anger in my heart, but I am free from that.

After this one on one, I went to have lunch, which was super healthy ramen noodles. My next one on one was with Kris and we hung out in the jacuzzi at her hotel and I shared a portion of my testimony and Kris pretty much did an inner healing session with me by asking questions, for example: “and what is at the root of that”. It seems that I always felt loved by my mom and I felt emotionally abandoned by her and I was physically abandoned by my father. So abandonment has been prevalent in my redemption story and I am ready to keep running towards the light for healing and truth. Please do not take me wrong, I have an amazing mom who has the biggest heart and would never purposely make me feel that way, but like all of us was still in the process of healing from her own childhood wounds.

Next, I had a one on one with Madison which really turned into an adventure to get my nose pierced. I just enjoy spending time learning from Maddison and the way she evangelizes no matter where her feet are planted. The day ended by making dinner with Christy and heading to session.

This session started out with worship; Heaven played music and we wrote all the things we were thankful for. Next, Doug and Kris shared about their marriage their testimony since being together which set us up for their talk on Healthy Communication.

Notes:

• Loving ourselves & loving others
• Communication
  • Books to read
    • 7 steps to Freedom 
    • Love and Respect
    • Saving your marriage before it starts
  • How do we love each other?
    • You can not truly love another until you love yourself
      • Love your neighbour AS yourself
    • How?
      • Know yourself
      • Know your identity
      • Recognize lies
    • The true me is a reflection of Jesus
      • God created me
      • Jesus died for me
      • Holy Spirit lives inside of me
    • Emotionally healthy & spiritual maturity are inseparable
    • Assumptions and Expectations destroy good communication

1. In Christ and filled with the holy spirit
2. Need to understand the power of words. God SPOKE the world into existence.
3. Power of unspoken word/body language
4. Listen to spoken words and the heart behind them

• STOP mind reading
• Clarify expectations

1. Unconscious
2. Unspoken
3. Unrealistic
4. An agreed upon.

• Your expectations should be:

1. Conscious
2. Realistic
3. Clearly spoken
4. Agreed upon by both parties

• Clean fighting (walking in a loving and respecting relationship)

1. Ask permission to state the problem at hand
2. State why it is important to you
3. Fill in: I feel ______ when you ______.
4. State your request clearly respectfully and specifically

• Listener:

1. Consider the request
2. Respectfully respond
3. Specifically, respond

I loved this session and I want to make it a normal practice in my life.

Day 3:

Woke up and had breakfast at a coffee shop called Honey / had a one on one with my team leader Sydney. We just shared all our thoughts and ideas about debrief so far and communicated/ shared about things to stay accountable. Following we walked back to the Hostel for our morning session. This morning specifically, we had options for two different breakouts: Developing Discipline or How to read your bible. I went to the Developing Disciplines that Doug and Kris hosted.

Notes:

• Discipline definition: practising obeying rules, or use of punishment, a branch of knowledge (ex: theology), training oneself to do a task
• 3 types
  • Preventative
  • Supportive
  • Corrective
• Think the whole being
  • Spiritual
  • Emotional
  • Physical
• A habit takes more than 66 days to become a natural reaction.
• Books to read:
  •  Celebration of discipline
  • Soul Ties
  • Bondage Breaker
  • Made to Crave
• Practising spiritual discipline in order to produce fruit
  • Meditate on the word
    • Jeremiah 15:16
    • Psalm 1:1-2
      • Spend time every day
      • Memories verses
    • Giving Thanks
      • 1 Thessalonians 5:18
      • Romans 8:28
    • Prayer
      • 1 Thessalonians 5:17
      • Romans 12:12
      • Philippians 4:6
        • Constant interaction with a friend (Jesus)
        • A conversation
        • Intersession
      • Giving
        • 1 Corinthians 6:2
        • 2 Corinthians 9:6-8
          • The posture of your heart
          • Thanksgiving for Gods provision
        • Serving
          • John 13:14-15
          • Mark 10:43-44
          • 1 Peter 4:10
            • Both for the server and the receiver
          • Fasting
            • Matthew 6:16-18
              • Power in fasting
              • Putting the physical below the spiritual
            • Taking every thought captive
              • 2 Corinthians 10:5
              • Romans 12:2
              • Ephesians 4:23
              • 1 Peter 1:13
              • Philippians 4:8
              • Romans 7:25
                • Conscious effort

 

After this session, I walked around with Hannah Cushman and we met some really nice Ecuadorian shop owners who sold alpaca sweaters. Then I went back and made some lunch. My next one on one was with Fran, and during our one on one, I verbally vomited/processed all that I had learned, all that I was thinking about, and all that I was realizing. I am so thankful for her kindness and listening ear. After my one on one of the verbal processing I was so tired, I went to take a nap until my one on one with Jo. I met Jo at a little hippy café. I was actually almost late because I set my alarm wrong, so I was a little out of sorts when I first arrived, but I shared, and she just encouraged me while we hung out. I left and headed back to make dinner with Christy. This night we ended up making food for our whole team. We made rice and beans with eggs and guacamole. Then we all headed to the session, which ended up being a celebration. Our squad celebrated all that God had done, the people who were fully funded, and those who had recent birthdays. We played games, danced and sang together. It was such a pure and fun moment.

Day 4:

Last day! Fun Day! This day after breakfast we hung out until lunch and then we found Fran had rented an excursion bus for our group. So, everyone piled into the back of this huge metal truck with open windows. We went on a waterfall tour that included some stops with giant swings, zip lines, and a card that would go all the way up to a waterfall. It was such a good day. I personally did not do any of the extras except the swing off the edge of the world. I enjoyed watching my friends do crazy swings and ziplines and took pictures of the beautiful scenery that makes up Ecuador. We ended our tour at a candy factory where we go to see how the candy is made and had an opportunity for a taste test. It was a wonderful but tiring day. Once we arrived back at the Hostel we went out for a quick bite and then straight to sleep. My team was leaving the following day at 7:30 am to head to our ministry.

 

Wow, I loved to debrief and this month so far has been full of spiritual and emotional growth because of the tools I was given at debrief. I want to take the time to just say thank you so much for all that you do for our squad Fran. I am so thankful you are our squad leader and I love your zeal for the Lord combined with your vulnerability and honesty. Doug and Kris, thank you for taking the time to love and invest in each of us, you both make us feel loved. Thank you for your wisdom and for continually sharing the truth. Jo and Maddison, thank you for your leadership, inspiring love for the Lord, and want to challenge and be with us. Last but definitely not least, Sydney. Thank you for being the embodiment of a servant leader, thank you for always leading by example, thank you for being vulnerable and always willing to share your heart. You are more precious than jewels and your friendship is better than any fine wine. Syd, you inspire me, and you love us all so well.

 

Alright, that is enough sap for the day. THE END.