Coming into Ethiopia I knew there would be growth for me, however, I didn’t realize how that would be. I think I know now.
When my squad first got here we had this thing called an Awakening.
An Awakening is this very rare time on the World Race where 2 different squads are in the same country at the same time. Awakenings last about 2 days. I don’t know how much y’all know about the World Race but there are different races to go on. There is what I’m currently doing, World Race Gap Year, which is 9 months for 18-20 year olds. There is also World Race 11n11, which is 11 months for ages 21-35 year olds.
So my Gap Year Squad got here and so did an 11n11 Squad! When Awakenings happen, there is a lot of worship, what World Race calls “sessions,” and lots of time to get to know other people, which is nice to have after 3 months straight of the same people. Of course these people were all older than us, it was still so refreshing in a way to know them and talk about things only World Racers would understand. For example, waking up and wondering if there will be toilet paper or if we’ll have to hold our bodily functions till there is toilet paper again. (Real thing that happens and is terrifying when you have altitude sickness and your bowels aren’t happy with you!)
I’m going to be completely honest, I was very much overwhelmed at first because my squad alone has 43 people on it and the 11n11 squad has about 30 people I think. That’s a lot of people in one house in Ethiopia! I had no idea what to do with myself or who to talk to! After about a day of all these people being around I adjusted and got used to it. I got to talk to a lot of new people and it was so weird but so awesome! Exchanging stories with each other and cheering each other on! Typical World Race things, ya know? I shared my healing story multiple times and even met someone who was (and I firmly say was because I believe she’s healed now) gluten and dairy free. Celiac. Bad! I told my story to her and prayed for her right after for healing! Super cool! Thanks God!
There was a night during worship when one of the 11n11 racers got up and said how they feel like there are lots of people in the room that struggle with comparison. They asked all those struggling to raise their hands so they could be prayed for. A few people raised their hands and everyone around them laid hands on them and prayed for them. I had to think for a second to know whether or not I struggled with it and realized that I did but didn’t think I struggled enough with it to be prayed for. I also was too prideful and afraid to raise my hand. I didn’t get prayed for and I just pushed the fact that I struggle with it aside, comparing myself the whole time to those who did raise their hands. I thought, “Oh they struggle enough with it to know for sure and know they want prayer for it, I just realized I do so I can’t raise my hand.” My thought process shows how much I compare in the little things and also how much my worth comes from the fact that I compare myself. (Of course I didn’t see that till much later!)
11n11 squads last full day with us, all seems right with life, I’m just chilling on the couch in the main living space on the base here. One of the women from the 11n11 squad, Tina, comes up to me holding something in her hand. She began to tell me how when she first got here she was sitting next to me in worship and she asked God for a prophetic word for me. She said that instead of a prophetic word for me she heard God tell her to give me her key for the journey. As she said that she handed me her key that used to be on her own neck. She gave me a hug, I thanked her and she walked away. I held it and stared at it a lot but I didn’t think too much about it for almost the rest of the day. That night I told my team about it and started to realize how meaningful the word on the key is to me in this season.
Key for the Journey is essentially what it sounds like. It’s a key that is put on a string to be a necklace and has a word engraved in it. That word can be a word you request or a word that is prophetically engraved on it. This key is sold for World Racers or anyone and is to be kept until the word on it is fulfilled by God in your life. After it is fulfilled you pass it on to someone else, with God’s guidance of course!
I remember before leaving for my race, I wanted a key but I was so busy with preparing to leave, work, and saying goodbye to everyone that I wasn’t able to get one. I was fine with that too because if I had wanted it enough I would have made it happen. Now I see that God had me not want it enough so that I could receive this key, in Ethiopia. The time I needed it most. The word on my key is Freedom. The longer I have this key the more I see it’s worth and see how much I need freedom.
Since that night I realized I struggled with comparison, I noticed I compare myself in everything I do. Comparison is the effect of my insecurities, but God has promised me freedom from that!
Freedom unfortunately doesn’t just happen over night. I have to believe and trust that God will help me change my mindset and attitude in situations.
I’ve discovered that I’m very socially insecure. I don’t have a lot of confidence in my social ability when it comes to talking to new people or even people that I’m not super close with like most of my squad. I have unfairly compared my not super outgoing self with the super outgoing people I’m surrounded by and wish that I could be more like that but that’s just not how God made me to be.
Another thing I am finding I’m struggling with is that I know I’m worthy, but don’t think I believe it. That’s part of the reason I compare myself, why I’m so insecure about my social abilities. That and the devil has gotten a hold on me and convinced me that I’m not good enough or worthy of much. Not cool Satan!
So God is working on me and my heart. I’m rebuking the spirit of insecurity in my life and slowly but surely taking steps into my new, confident, no comparing self. I never imagined that I could learn so much about myself in the middle of Africa, completely disconnected!
I’m very thankful for this opportunity I have to be in Africa, leaning fully on God for help!
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17
