This morning I got up and went for a run. It was the first day in Ethiopia I wasn’t throwing up so I wanted to take advantage of this window. As I made my way down the pavement my mind wandered to my routine before coming on the race. After I got off work at 6 am I would run 7-8 miles then head over to the gym and swim 1-2 miles followed by lifting for 45 minutes. Once I got onto the field of the world race my routine quickly evaporated and I have found myself sick in each country with only a handful of runs logged over the past four months. Today in my attempt to prepare as best as I can in a week’s time for the Great Ethiopian Run 10 km that takes place this month I set out to run 6 miles to get a gauge for how I will fair despite having poor health. I have this habit of when my feet hit the ground that I can easily go 10 miles without thinking to turn back around so I told the Lord to give me yellow flowers to know when to turn back and head home. In my sights, 400 meters away, I see this tree with dazzling bright red flowers covering it and wanted to use it as a mile marker. As I round a bend my eyes catch the one stalk of yellow flowers in a bed of weeds. In that moment I remember what I had asked of the Lord. “But I’m so close to where I want to go!” I longingly looked at the road ahead of me and sighed as I circled back feeling a bit disappointed I didn’t get to go as far as I planned.
My run ended up being only 3 miles and as I made my way home I realized I have a tendency to assert my will through whatever may be in front of me. This isn’t a deplorable trait it just has made me prone to being insensitive to submitting my will under the Lord’s ultimate will. Memories from my past came flooding back to when I was training for a career in the Navy. I beat my body hours on end daily and studied countless hours to get into one of the hardest programs in the military. A dream I had cultivated that the Lord had a resounding No to. I vividly remember telling God this is what I was going to do with my life and asked for Him to be okay with it. Standing on this side of the ordeal I know His No was out of His lovingkindness. If He let me have that career I truly believe I wouldn’t have known Him and what a waste of a life that would have been. In this season on the race I have felt to start asking the Lord for permission in things I normally wouldn’t think to ask about.
Last month in India I wanted to fast something long term and chose to give up coffee until the Lord gave me the clear to pick it back up again. Without knowing if the fast would last the entire time on the field I committed to it anyway. It had been 33 days when an alumni team leader gifted me her aeropress with fresh coffee grounds (thanks Kelsey!) at mini debrief and I took that as a green light from the Lord to drink coffee again and am so thankful because we are currently in Ethiopia, home to the best coffee ever, and would be remiss if I had to forgo it!
I go back and forth, talk myself in and out of whether or not I want to pursue a career in the service again. On my run this morning I resolved to just ask for His permission instead of overthinking the decision. I still have roughly seven months left to go on the race but will utilize my time wisely to be ready for a PT test when I get back stateside but also with open hands if His answer is still a No. I now spend my time beating my body to bring it into submission in accordance to His will, being quick to run into obedience rather than wherever I so desire and have discovered so much freedom in doing so. He worthy of my trust and He is worthy of my time.
-Saha
