Quick update

There’s this attitude that is encouraged to have in the sphere of the World Race – keep an open mind and hold everything with open hands. Upon coming on the field I thought I held everything with a loose grip until my team got several location changes. Routes and locations are not set in stone and everything is rather fluid. As our squad leader Eric says “If you’re flexible you’ll never be bent out of shape”. Upon entering Nepal we were given the location of Pokhara which is nestled in the mountains away from the city and Eric was to join our team for that month. I made the mistake of falling in love with the place too soon when change was right around the corner. Instead, due to circumstances with passports and visas our team switched with another team and we stayed in the city of Kathmandu and Eric only stayed with our team for less than a week. I generally hate cities and was really upset we didn’t get enough time with our squad leader. Prior to entering India our plans have changed yet again. We were suppose to head to Kolkata (where I really wanted before coming overseas) and instead we’re staying in a different area with a YWAM base due to new connections.

 

I share all of this because the Lord has brought a few things to light. Where we go and how we get there is far less important compared to how we respond to change. I wish I could say my initial reaction was holy and fair but it was not. I felt like God cheated us and we were given the short end of the stick. Even though I brushed it off and rolled with it deep down I’ve battled with continuing to hope and dream for this journey because with what experience has taught me those dreams are soon to be crushed.

This ties in to how I have felt in my team as well. When I was placed in my team at training camp it was not at all what I wanted and felt like God messed up and ignored what I desired. I was placed with people I barely interacted with at camp and currently struggle to be vulnerable with. I love every single member of my team but am having a hard time integrating and being fully transparent with everyone. I find that I’m quick to be cut down and corrected when I share my heart and in turn respond by closing myself off. It is difficult to pursue people who are selfish and more inclined to criticize than to extend grace. I feel isolated and alone most times. The temptation to retreat inward and shut down is present. I know the Lord is calling me out of that place into growth and has used the body to do that.

 

Everything from the Father is through invitation. He invites us to grow and develop the fruit of the Spirit. The circumstances may not be how we want but He has our sanctification in mind. Many times I want to throw my hands up and walk away but I do not have that luxury half way across the globe in a foreign place. Yet I’m thankful for changes that reveals what’s truly in my heart and for teammates that challenge me to confront the uncomfortable and ultimately for a Father who values my growth more than my comfort and will emphasize what’s eternal. Even with feeling discouraged and frustrated at times I believe to be exactly in His will. Out of routine, pressed in new ways, and given fresh opportunities to fully rely on Him and His strength. Despite how our fickle feelings will fluctuate He is still on the throne and isn’t moved. 

 

I’d like to invite you to pray with me for my team and I as we walk in this season of growth and stretching that we would be led by His Spirit and abide in His love. That we would put each other before ourselves and be eager to forgive one another and He would be able to accomplish His will through us.