Rejection has taken root at an early age for me. Whether it was being picked last for team sports or never sat with in the lunchroom it has been an unsuccessful battle for the most part. This has carried over into adulthood and I was faced with the reality of it recently during training camp. We’ve all heard the whispers, “you’re not good enough” “no one wants you here” and the list could go on. On the first night of worship at camp one of my squad’s leaders came up to me and asked if I struggle with feeling unwanted. I said yes and he prayed over me. The Holy Spirit sees right through me with all my insecurities and struggles. It was in that moment the Lord spoke to my heart and asked why have I given authority over to the enemy. That is a very good question. By letting in the lies I have undoubtedly given Satan a foothold in my life. Over years that foothold becomes a stronghold and soon you’re gripped with fear and anxiety.
It’s not a common thing to change a mindset instantaneously. Scripture says in Roman’s 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” In order to experience freedom in this arena it’s imperative to be diligent in knowing the Truth and refuting anything otherwise. I won’t extenuate it, this takes work. I’ll share a few areas I presently grapple with. So I play on an ultimate frisbee team and I really enjoy it until I’m always one of the last to be drafted for a team. I dread this part and feel foolish the entire game. The enemy has such a field day as I play the lies over in my mind. It effects my performance and I become inwardly bitter. I also struggle with singleness. Most all my friends are married and I’m bombarded with thoughts such as “no one wants you” “you are just a ‘bro’ nothing more”. What’s ironic here is that I’m pursued by guys that Jesus wouldn’t approve of. Shown interest by anyone but godly guys. It stings to the core. I wrestle with comparison and feed into all the lies of why I fall short.
At world race training camp the Lord reminded me of truth. He says I’m chosen: Ephesians 1:4-5 “For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will.” Did you know He thinks about you all the time? Psalms 139:17-18 “How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand – when I awake, I am still with you.” You can google the promises of God and be overwhelmed by His relentless love for you. Praise God He is a constant that never changes. His promises are not empty they are yes and amen.
Through my sweet sisters on Y squad He has echoed this truth to me; by their kind words they have gently reminded me that I am worthy, a daughter of the Most High and cherished. His promises are true regardless if I believe them or not. Whether I feel loved or not I am because it’s truth. He is good even when I’m wading through the muck the enemy throws at me. Friends our identity is securely in Him. We may feel otherwise with fleeting emotions and shifting circumstances but He isn’t moved. Rest in His love because anything short of that is a lie.
With much love,
Hannah
