on September 2, 2020, I pulled into a long driveway with a racing and overwhelmed heart. a blur of, “put your mask on. Take your stuff here. Register down there! your campsite is up there” and snaps of new faces I’d only seen on Instagram. I remember how hard the first two weeks were. I remember sitting at the dinner table with my squad that I was told would become family, feeling anxiety because I worried I was too energetic too soon. a couple months later, as I write this, I find myself laying in a hammock with wet tears glossing over my face as I think of who I was and leaving this family I once never knew. After all these months, I think this girl deserves a new introduction.
Hi, I’m Hannah. I like to say yes, I choose in when it gets hard, I’m intentional, I seek God in everything, I seek truth, I love without reserve, I’m gifted, I’m loved, and I’m bought with a price.
I sat thinking of all the ways the race changed my life. I didn’t want to answer the question, because it’s far too long to contain in a blog post. I swing lightly in the hammock and my mind races past, “I learned how to invite the Lord into every moment, but I can’t forget to write about how I learned so many passions, or how I was able to defeat anxiety!” but I think besides all that, I can land on this:
Sure, the moments were good and the adventure was once in a lifetime. Yeah, the sessions were amazing and I learned a lot about community. But the truth is, the world race didn’t change my life.
Jesus changed my life.
All I had to do was give Him my time and my yes.
I wish it was like magic. Like walking up a mountain to get your drinking water or eating rice and beans everyday was what changed me. What changed me wasn’t taxi rides or sabbaths on the beach. No living condition, no tent, no sleeping pad, no country, no language, no culture can change my life as a replacement of how Jesus does. What changed me was waking up every day and choosing love when a squadmate keeps talking during your devo time. It’s getting to lunch and choosing joy when there’s ants in your beans. It’s trusting the Lord to take away a language barrier so you can talk to someone. It’s sacrificing your plan, your wants, for living an interruptible life filled with ministry all that time. What changed me was finally sitting with the Jesus that waits every day to simply do that. What changed my life was following Jesus, not a culture or an aesthetic.
Oh man, I’m never going back. I’m never going back to the grave of the box I thought I had to be in. I’m never going back to the easy answer or the comfortable route. I’m never going back to, girl, missionary kid, student. I’m a child of the king.
Jesus changed my life these last 9 months, but he’s also been changing my life these last 19 years. Every day is a new opportunity to be loved by Him and lean into what He has to say. Jesus changed my life. He released me from perfectionism, from anxiety, from fear of perception. He changed my life. He showed me what love is and how to count others more significant than myself. He revealed gifts and passions to me, like Spanish and missionary care. He gave me His eyes to see His children. He taught me the importance of surrendering my rights to His plan every day. He changed my life on good days in town. He changed my life on hard days when I threw up all night. He changed my life in the in between days, where making concrete became a mundane task. He changed my life on joyful days, like the day I got baptized by my best friend. He changed my life through my friends, like when they made the most special birthday for me. He changed my life through ministry hosts, like Rasta telling me his testimony in Panama.
the world race didn’t change my life. but ask me about what did sometime 🙂
