Choosing obedience is not easy. Staying obedient is even harder. Having faith in the mist of obedience is that hardest thing I have ever had to endure in my walk with Christ. I mean, it was not the easiest thing in the world to tell my loved ones that God called me to a different continent for three months. Then to follow up and tell them I had to raise $5,800 to do this. You could imagine the looks on their faces. However, my loved ones quickly realized that I was being honest and sincere when I told them it was something the Lord called me to. Looking back, that was actually probably the easiest part of this whole trip.
God has opened my eyes and heart to so much already. During this preparation season, it has become easier to hear and identify when God is talking to me. Sometimes it is not just a feeling or a sign; sometimes God will literally talk to me through scripture, crazy right?? Since I have been fundraising, I have really had to learn how to FULLY trust God. I mean, I trusted God called me. I trusted God was going to make a way. I trusted God would soften the hearts of others to receive the news. I trusted God was going to lead me in the right direction. BUT all of those trusts were “pre-trusts“, I would say. Now, I AM having to trust God to make a way. I AM having to trust God to create a generous hearts in those who donate to me. I AM trusting God IS making a way for me. This is “current-trust”. Being in a season of “current-trust” is the hardest season I have ever been in, and believe me, I have had my share of seasons. Waking up everyday and saying “God, I trust that you are making a way for my calling” on the days or even weeks people have not donated, is hard! It takes faith; faith to believe in the substance of things hoped for even when the evidence is not seen.
So, it had been a few days, maybe a week and a half, since I had a donation, and I really began to question God’s voice and this calling. Some people even asked me “Emma what are you going to do if you do not meet your goal”? Hearing that planted a seed of doubt in my heart. I thought maybe I heard God wrong, maybe this was not the trip I was supposed to be going on. I thought surely, after 2 years of this being on my heart so heavily, surely He would provide for me.. And then during my devotional time later that day, the Lord spoke to me through scripture. I was reading Matthew chapter 6 verses 19-34, and I instantly knew the Lord gave me those verses because He heard my prayers; He knew my worry. Specifically verse 30, ” And if God cares so wonderfully for the wildflowers that are here today and throw into the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?” That hit me like a ton of bricks. I can not help but be reminded of David, who God called long before David was allowed to step into his calling as king.
God does not work around our schedules, He works on His. So, everyday I am “actively-trusting” God. I know this is where I am supposed to be. I know my God is my Jehovah Jireh, MY PROVIDER. I believe and expect that the Lord will do what He said He will do, and make a way.
