Something I’ve been dealing with for most my life now is anger. Lately it’s been a pretty intense anger. When I’m angry I feel it in my chest and it just builds and builds. Enough so that I need to go chop some wood or go running/sprinting up a hill for an hour. One night some years ago I was angry and my dad Mark said, “Come on.” At night, we walked up behind our house in the rain to a barn. He handed me an ax and told me to start chopping wood. And that’s why when I’m angry I think to myself I need to chop some wood.
So while we have been in Costa Rica I have been dealing with a lot of anger. I’ve talked to people about it which helps but the anger doesn’t just disappear. The other day a friend told me that the enemy will turn around what God says or what others say that is good about you and use it against you. People have told me that I am a man of peace. But in my eyes it’s hard for me to see that about myself when all I know and feel is anger. So that’s what I mean when the enemy turns around the good that you are and that is spoken over you. All I want in life is peace and love. I may give peace, but I can’t feel it myself.
During an unscripted squad worship time, I started thinking about a conversation I had the night before. I was told about Francis Chan and his rope illustration. He was on stage with a super long rope. He talks about the rope saying, “Imagine the rope goes on forever and imagine it’s the timeline of your existence. At the end of the rope maybe six inches of it is painted red. Thats our time on earth. It’s just a few short years. Then you’ve got the rest of the rope all of eternity with God somewhere else. We get so focused and fixated on our short time on earth. That’s all we think about.”
So during this worship I started thinking about this and thinking a lot of things. The first thought I had was of my Grandpa. He passed away years ago. He was such a good hardworking man who cared and loved others in such amazing ways. It brings me to tears and blows my mind thinking about how my grandpa is where Jesus is. He is living in eternity with God right now. He is seeing his family, his friends. He’s met the brothers and sisters I never knew. Then I thought about my uncle Ted and my cousin Jonathan. Right before I came on The World Race they were in a boating accident and did not survive. They are both in eternity with Jesus right now. While thinking of all this, I remembered an image that I’ve had in my head for a long time. I saw this image like a movie.
There is a massive crowd of people. Surrounding Jesus. There is a light all around them. Cheering and celebration is happening throughout the land. I’m in the very back of the crowd standing away…alone. I can’t see Jesus. I can’t hear Him. All I hear are the people surrounding Him, the people in front of Him. I notice how everyone is so full of joy and songs of praise. While I’m the back, a darkness begins to grab hold and devour the light. I feel angry, forgotten, left behind. Thinking and sitting in the memories wondering where He was. Where was Jesus when I needed Him. When I was hurting and lonely. Becoming more and more bound by the darkness I let it cover my eyes and I turn around. I begin walking, leaving Jesus just to go deeper into the darkest valley. As I am walking I hear more cheering. Louder and louder when…it goes silent. I realize it’s no longer dark around me. Darkness no longer shrouds my eyes. There isn’t a shadow in sight. I turn back around and I see Him. Standing there so close to me. I see his face, I hear his voice. He says so clearly “Drake I Love You, and You are Good.” He hugs me.
The light had fought and conquered the darkness. I once was blind but now I see. Jesus ran through the crowd to get to me.
I hug him back and I don’t let go. He knows me by name, knows what I feel, and he calls me good.
I have thought about this short film in my head for quite some time. But it would always end with me turning away from Jesus going into darkness. It was during that spontaneous worship time that I got the rest of the story. Jesus won’t look away, he won’t forget you, he won’t leave you behind. No. Jesus sees you and no matter where you are He will run…to you. Worship is such a powerful thing. When you really hear the words you’re singing to God it’s sometimes as if it’s not you singing to Him, but God singing to you.
I am still learning to deal with the anger. I’m trying to find the root of the anger and turn it into something that can be used for good. For the glory of God. It will take time, but I know God is with me and my squad also believes in me.
This is my final thought I will leave with you. Talk to each other, encourage, and love one another no matter where you are or where they are. Worship is powerful. It can change you. It can heal you. When everyone is together loving each other and worshiping that’s when I have truly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Anger, fear, darkness cannot hide/take you away from Jesus.
I’ll end with this…Come together friends be the church and never stop loving.
Matthew 18:20
For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them.
- Drake
