One month of living life on the mission field has changed me and my life more than I ever imagined possible in the full 11 months, let alone in this short of time. Currently, I am in Knoxville, TN and we just finished our first debrief. For those not super aware of World Race culture, a debrief is basically a time when our mentor and coaches fly in and we literally get poured into, loved on, and have time to decompress and debrief what happened the last month (or few months). I have had a lot of people ask me about what my experience has been like on a deeper level than just what we are doing in the day to day. So, I thought it would be a super good time to go a little deeper and share more of my emotions, ministry, and just plain life.
This lifestyle is hard, I never in a million years would have thought it would be this difficult. I did not come into this thinking it would be sunshine and roses all the time, but the areas I thought would be the easiest, are actually the ones that are weighing on me the most. I came into this experience with very little expectation’s other than wanting to grow my relationship with God more intimately. I thought I would have a hard time fitting into ministry, but honestly that has been so natural and so easy to absorb into. The biggest struggle for me is actually living in community. I have been learning so much about the type of personality I have, and my preferences that I never really realized existed before this season of my life. I am learning how to love my teammates in each of their special ways they like to be loved, while also learning how to love myself. A large part of living in community, as closely as we do, is being mindful and respectful of the people around us. It is amazing how quickly the people around me have become family but honestly, they are the only people we have that aren’t long distance. We all are going through a lot of the same emotions and realities; this makes us grow closer together as a team and as friends.
I have had a lot of people ask me about how we live, as in where we sleep, how we sleep, how we cook, basically our day to day lifestyle. Currently there for 6 of us traveling together. There are 5 girls and 1 guy (he is the bomb diggity) and we travel in a large van with all of our things. We are so fortunate that so many World Race alumni and alumni parents are willing to host us during our time on the field. For the largest portion we have actually been staying in their homes and doing life with them. So far us girls have split three and two into a room, and of course, Andrew gets his own space. This week however, we actually living all 5 girls in one room, which has been an interesting switch up, and we are working on respecting everyone’s space and time. We literally wake up and go to sleep together every single day. Have you tried sharing one bathroom with 5 girls? You get use pretty quickly to more than one person getting ready at the same time. Our host have made a large impact on me this far, and I have enjoyed very much getting to have the time I have with them. They have been such an inspiration in my walk, while loving on all of us as if they were our loved ones.
My team and I really don’t have a “normal” day. We have learned fairly quickly to be interruptible. We literally have had ministry anywhere from 5 in the morning clear up to having ministry till midnight. I have been learning to be very flexible in never really knowing what to expect, but in the best way. Adventures in Mission’s mantra is “life is ministry, ministry is life” and we are quickly learning how to live that out in everyday situations. There has not been a ministry that I have not enjoyed, but I have found that my heart truly is found in Women and Children ministry. I have loved getting to speak to the women and kids at a Domestic Violence shelter we worked at and also the women we were able to reach in the anti sex trafficking ministries we have worked alongside thus far.
Throughout this time on the field I have personally struggled. I have learned a lot not only about myself but about God. For example, although I have not had a seizure since week 2 of my Race, I live in fear every day that I will have a seizure and ruin whatever ministry we are working that day. Throughout that time of worrying about my seizures constantly, I have learned two very important things about myself. The first one is that I am covered in shame when it comes to my events. This was the hardest reality to face, I am literally so embarrassed and so ashamed that I live in a fear every day of distracting from ministry. That fear is not from God, that is the enemy filling my head with lies and deceptions. The second thing that I’ve learned about myself is that I live with a lot of fear of man, and that is not okay. I truly was afraid of what other people, or ‘man’, would think of me having a seizure, something I have zero control over. How crazy is that? Through both of these revelations I have learned that shame is not from God, and that it isn’t something that I should be focusing on. I am tearing that veil off every day and living a life that is not focused on the shame and the embarrassment of the “what if.” I am also learning that fear of man is so real and something that I struggle with in many areas. I thought I had a fear of dying when the seizures came into play but that is about 10% of the entire fear, 90% comes from the fear of man and the fear of what will they think of me if I had a seizure. I am learning each day to not walk in fear, but to walk in confidence and to say if I have a seizure, so what? There is literally nothing I can do about it. God has promised that we do not have to live in fear of people, we can be confident in knowing that God is always there, and he will lift us higher.
So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe. Proverbs 29:25
These revelations have affected my relationships and daily life, bringing with it a lot of light into the dark corners I did not know existed. The Lord is doing a lot of great things in my life, but this was what he placed on my heart to share with everyone. I hope this gives a glimpse into my life and what I am currently working through daily. Thank you so much for supporting this journey. Please continue to pray that the Lord continues to open my eyes and give me even deeper revelations.
