A little over a week ago I came home back from my 11 day training camp in Georgia. 11 days. it doesn’t sound so bad but it felt like eternity.
I was so excited. I love camping so sleeping in a tent was no problem. I can deal with the heat even though it was HUMID (praise Jesus I’m from Oklahoma) I was ready to eat all the weird foods.. and I did. I ate a black egg and it was horrible. I was ready to learn more about the world race and I couldn’t wait to grow closer with my squad.
what I didn’t expect was how badly I would struggle the first couple of days. Anxiety, loneliness, and longing to fit in ate me alive. It consumed all of my thoughts and by the 4th day I was ready to quit. I had convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough, this wasn’t my calling, and I wasn’t fitting in with my squad. That was honestly the hardest part of it all. I was in a new place surrounded by a bunch of people I didn’t know.
There was 30 something people around me but I had never felt so.. alone.
Multiple times throughout the camp I was reminded of this verse
Perhaps you were born for such a time as this. Esther 4:14
This is such a powerful verse because the story behind it. Esther risked her life to do what she was called to do and save her people. Every time I heard this verse my heart dropped. It was reminding me that even though I was struggling I couldn’t just quit.
I couldn’t let fear ruin what God has planned for me. I stopped worrying and started praying. I started to rely on God to feel peace about my situation. Man did he come through.
He showed me that I was exactly where he wanted me. That I was surrounded by people who wanted me. That no matter my past I was worthy of him and he was going to use me. That I didn’t need to fear because he will provide for me. He showed me that I didn’t need to be anxious and care what others thought because he loves exactly who I am.
I stopped listening to the lies that were in my head and I found freedom.
Freedom from my loneliness, fear, and anxiety. I was baptized on the last day surrounded by those 30 something people who had started to feel less like strangers and more like family.
