Years of bitterness and resentment can produce so much inconvenience in a person’s life.There are so many ways to ruin a friendship or relationship, but the worst way leading to that is through resentment and envy.
I had never been content with who I was, my body, or where I’m going in the future.I was never in a place to appreciate what I had. I grew to a point of envy and resentment of what my friends had and didn’t even realize it.This is about healing for the calloused heart.
How do we truly receive healing for something that appears to heal us but really hurts us? Do you know what a callus is?
cal·lus
[‘kal?s]
NOUN
callous (noun)
a thickened and hardened part of the skin or soft tissue, especially in an area that has been subjected to friction.
medicine
the bony healing tissue which forms around the ends of broken bone.
botany
a hard formation of tissue, especially new tissue formed over a wound.
“the exposed surface will quickly form healing callus” [Oxford Dictionaries · Bing Translator]
When you see a callus on your hand it shows the appearance of healing, however it is an unruly sight and a discomfort to the skin.It forms a false guard until true healing is finished.After healing, the callus falls off.What about a callused heart?
A callous on your foot is hardened flesh. That foot originally was soft and tender but it became calloused by continual wearing of the wrong kind of shoes. When someone has a calloused heart he or she has decided to abandon the true heart feelings of compassion and love for others. In other words, he has made his heart hard and unyielding.[answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070621204612AARfIgP]
It works very much in the same way.The heart begins with friction and pain.When healing doesn’t come a callus produces over the wound of our hearts.We are then hidden by insensitivity, harshness, cruelty, ruthlessness, and there are many more terms to come with that. The callousness of ourselves promises a comforting future, but we don’t realize it’s hurting us and those around us even more.I allowed the callous of my own heart to become an all too well comfort for the last two years.
I know the beginning of this post seems very unusual. I wanted to share with you where I was and how I felt before God healed my calloused heart and brought healing, joy, and contentment. God had to reveal this hard truth to me. It was hard to swallow that I acted this way to those around me. It was even harder to see the impact it had on friendships closest to me and my relationship with God. Yet, here I am telling you that there is healing!
One night I had an unusually hard night understanding why I couldn’t emotionally process something that had just happened. I sat in my room with worship music wanting to cry. Yet, for some reason, I couldn’t cry. Now, to think of it, I didn’t feel anything at all. I was emotionless. I began to wonder what was going on. It’s healthy to emotionally process feelings and changes in our lives. If not, we get stuck in a cycle of going back to the same problem over and over again. I asked God to reveal what was truly going on inside my heart. I had no idea what it was but there was some kind of root resulting in envy and resentment.
As I sat in my room, I began to just sing to the worship music playing. All of a sudden a rush of emotions came out of no where. I began to hysterically cry with all the emotions I could not comprehend. That’s exactly how God healed my calloused heart. Sometimes, it’s that simple. God revealed my jealousy of my friends’ lives, relationships and futures. Yet, He didn’t leave it there. He revealed that although I was jealous of what they had that He had things planned in store for me too. He helped me process emotions to the changes that had occurred and what He was doing next. I can proudly say I am content in this season God has me in. This is huge for me to say this: I am happy being single, not owning a house, and still learning to be stable in all ways with God by my side. That was tough to say because that’s what
I used to envy. I can proudly declare that God has provided healing over those insecurities. I am proud to have friends with what they have and where God is leading them. I am no longer jealous but seek to help further those accomplishments with them. Since my calloused heart has been healed, I’ve had the privilege to get to reconnect with old friends and heal old wounds. God is the healer. He always will be. Through this next year before the World Race I believe God has a lot in store for us. Not just for me, but for everyone. He wants to bring healing, provision, and life to everyone. Will you trust that He has your best interest even in the tough times?
