Hey guys I wanted to take the time to talk about the role I have been assigned to to help my team and how it has changed me.
All week at training camp my fellow squad mates who have done the race before were telling that we would be each assigned a role which would make us in charge of something. The roles are Squad logistics coordinator, Treasurer, Worship coordinator, Beauty for ashes coordinator, Security Coordinator, and storyteller. All week I kept saying that there were to jobs I did not want to be, treasurer and squad logistics coordinator. I had been told that the roles were extremely stressful and time consuming and I just did not see how I would be good at either. I honestly figured I would be security coordinator.
The second to last night at camp my squad leader pulled me aside and said all week God was telling her to tell me to take initiative. Which led to her assigning me the role of treasurer. When she first told me I honestly thought it was a joke and started laughing. When I realized she was serious I immediately asked if I could say no to the position. The problem was that there is only 6 of us on my squad which means we each had a role and it would be hard to switch. Gisele (my squad leader) asked me to take the night and pray about it. After talking to my squad mate Morgan, who was treasurer on her original race, I was a little more comfortable with the position. She told me it wouldn’t be as hard since I would not have to worry about the money exchange rate. I still wasn’t feeling super confident but I decided to say yes to the role the next morning.
Later that day we had breakout training sessions for the roles we were assigned. I went into the training center with the other treasurers and prepared to learn more about the role I was assigned. I made the mistake of sitting next to the treasurers from B squad. During the training I learned that one of them is an accountant. All I kept thinking is what am I doing in this room. I do not belong here. I kept thinking back to when I was in elementary school when I did not understand a thing about math. Even though I became much better at math as I got older I still could not forget all those years I struggled. At the end of the session the instructor pulled me aside and asked why I was feeling so nervous about being treasurer. I broke down and told her how I had struggled with math and really did not feel like I belonged in that room. The instructor assured me she would talk to my squad mentor and get some more reassurance and help from her. Unfortunately I had to get to a team meeting or else we would have gone to talk to my squad mentor together.
I went on to my team meeting after that. I was not inside the room more than a minute before leaving the room and having an emotional breakdown. Several people came over and tried to reassure me that I could do it but I wasn’t hearing any of it. Gisele came out a couple of minutes later in hopes of calming me down. She assured me that she would not have assigned me the job unless she knew I could handle it. She also said that she would be by my side through it all if I needed her help. After calming down I went back into the meeting. Later that day I also got assurance from the treasurers on B squad that if I needed help I could message them and they would help out the best they could. I still was very uneasy about the whole thing though. That night though I honestly forgot about it all and focused on winning squad wars.
At the end of the night I met up with my squad mates. We sat down and talked about what we learned from training camp and Morgan gave us feedback. I was really nervous to hear what she was going to say. She told me that I needed to stop doubting myself. That I needed to stop telling myself that I couldn’t do something before even trying. Instead of letting this upset me I let this empower me. I decided to challenge myself this next year. To give myself the chance to succeed instead of stopping myself before I even tried. I am still very nervous about being treasurer but I know I can do anything through God who strengthens me. I also know my team will be by my side if I need the help. Training camp taught me a lot about myself and I know I left a better person then when I arrived.
HUGE SHOUT OUT TO MORGAN FOR THE FEEDBACK. I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BACKED OUT OF THE TREASURER POSITION WITH OUT YOU. THANK YOU.
