I still remember packing my bags and thinking “how the heck am i going to live off of this stuff for nine months”. Trying to pack 7 shirts and having to take 2 out because there wasn’t enough room. LOL. Even before that, I remember the first night of training camp crying in my tent in the middle of a rain storm wondering what the heck I was doing with my life.
Now I wake up and eat breakfast at 7am everyday. I hop on 2 vans and 30-40 mins later I am in a tiny little village where families live in houses outlined in bamboo and filled with hunger for the Lord. There’s a few small tiendas where you can get a Pepsi or some chips but that’s about all. There’s one school, tons of kids that play in the streets, and a few homeless men that sit in the same spot everyday.
Our whole ministry is ATL (ask the lord). Which means we spent most of our time going from house to house, sitting on plastic stools that they get out when guests come, and listening to them. We ask them about their life and what they like to do for fun. They normally say cleaning and cooking.
I originally chose this route because of Ethiopia. I knew the Lord had called me back to Africa and I was so excited. I knew my heart broke for Africa and that revival was being brought there.
On the other hand I didn’t fully believe revival could happen in this part of the world. My heart didn’t fully break for them. Not because I didn’t care but because I just knew part of my heart was in Africa.
But 3 months later I can 110% say my heart has completely broken for Guatemala. The Lord has showed me that I don’t get to decide where revival is, because it’s everywhere that Jesus is, and Jesus is EVERYWHERE. My heart has broken for the moms that work day in and day out to keep the laundry done, the house clean, and their kids fed. It has broken for the kids that walk up and down the chicken buses trying to sell a tiny packet of gum to help provide for their family. It has broken for the homeless people that sit on the sidewalks of Antigua holding out a small bowl for money.
But as much as it has broken for these beautiful people, I find rest in the fact that they are chasing the Lord. It is definitely a process but it has started. The people here are hungry for the Father’s love.
Some days I’d leave ministry and feel like I did nothing. How could me talking to these families in this tiny village on a mountain really impact the kingdom? That’s a question I’d often ponder on the bus back home. It was hard. Hard to keep pressing on when I wasn’t seeing fruit.
But this past month during all of our lasts and our goodbyes I have gotten a small glimpse of fruit, and it has made all the hard days worth it.
I got to hear how my team has changed the people’s perspective on missionaries because we haven’t shoved a camera in their face or come just to build something. How being a missionary is not wearing a long skirt in the middle of a pasture holding an orphan in your arms, it is wholeheartedly loving people as they are and where they are. It is having no expectations of “saving” people or seeing fruit.
One woman named Franscesca told us that past missionaries wouldn’t even visit or hug her because she was “dirty”. She meant physically dirty but we are ALL dirty! I got to look her in the eye and explain that the reason we love hugging and visiting her is because we are all on an equal playing field in the Lord’s eyes. We are all dirty, that’s literally why he died on the cross for us.
This past Friday I got to look in all the kids eyes at soccer ministry and tell them bye. Probably one of the saddest moments I’ve ever experienced, but the fact that they were crying right back meant that we had loved them well. And I just know that one day we will all be together playing soccer again in Heaven. Man, that day will be sweet.
So, Guatemala.
Thank you for showing me the Father’s love through your people.
Thank you for giving me the brother I never had, in my ministry host, Aderkee.
Thank you for showing me that I might not always see fruit from the seeds that I plant.
Thank you for allowing me to embrace my testimony and get over the fear of not being good enough.
Thank you for allowing us gringos in your home.
I have seen your beauty really up close – in the homes, in the food that has been prepared for us, in the crumpled paper in the classroom, in the eyes of all the people I have gotten to love on.
And I have seen your beauty really far away – in the mountains, in the markets full of people balancing baskets on their heads, in the chicken bus on the way to the city.
It is everywhere. Far away or up close, the beauty is the same, just like God’s.
He is beautiful in creation and the word, and he’s equally beautiful in prayer and healing. Dang.
This country will always be home, and the people here will always be family.
I am going to miss living in the land of eternal spring. Keep chasing the Lord’s heart, Guat. You are something special. Honored to be a tiny tiny part <<33
Sincerely,
your biggest fan
