So many great things from the Lord have been happening!! This past month was full of blessings from God that either came in challenges, gifts, or memories. One of the things I really feel him teaching me about right now is patience and trusting that if He puts a desire in you, that He will see it through.
As some know, I decided at the end of January to finally give a certain situation to God and let Him work it out instead of me trying to do that. I had thought for so long I had to fix this thing that controlled my entire life before I could go before God and feel like He would want to fix me. But that isn’t how having a relationship with God works. You surrender that burden to Him and say “I don’t want to carry this anymore” and He takes it off your shoulders. As I began to realize that I don’t have to do something good for God to do something in me. It is not a give and take relationship. Looking back now, I realize I would get myself into a relationship with a non-Christian guy or a guy who knows the Lord, but isn’t pursuing Him. I would then try to save them or try to steer them on a better path. Through giving that situation to God, I realized I deserve so much more than that. I realized that I was in no position to be trying to date someone when I had no concept of what a happy and healthy relationship looked like, let alone what it looks like to be centered in Christ.
The Holy Spirit placed in my heart a desire to focus more on my walk with God rather than on a relationship so I decided to go on a relationship celibacy. For those of you who haven’t heard me talk about this before, it means no dating, no “talking to”, no courting. The enemy knows how easily I trust or how naive I can be at times when it comes to someone’s intentions, but if God has taught me anything from reflections on past choices, examples of true Godly marriages/relationships, and fellowship with good friends, it’s that your rib-mate should be an aid to bring you closer to God. I have always thought that it is about compromising so everyone is happy or meeting somewhere where they are at and helping them get to the potential you see for them, which is true, but that is not what God had in mind as the big reason for why He created marriage. He wanted for it be about growing together in the spirit and for the commitment you make on Earth to resemble to commitment you have to God.
Recently, that vow I made to myself and to God back in January has been getting shaken by someone that I have had apart of my life for the past 3-4 years. He was someone that I thought if he just let God work in him a little more then maybe he would see clearly. I put so much faith in the fact that he was apart of my life for so long and even if we broke things off we would go back to each other so it meant that there was a reason for it. I convinced myself for a period of time that maybe God was that reason. I see now that those thoughts were just my flesh wanting to force something that would end up with me in an even deeper hole. I want to wait until I come back from the World Race to reconvene with God about if I am ready to start dating again, but if I am not, that’s A-OK! The whole process of preparing for the World Race has shown me the benefits of trusting in the Lord’s perfect timing so that is exactly what I am going to do. For now, I am celebrating the friendships God has blessed me with. Between watching the Bachelorette after Bible study and camping/hiking every weekend, I can say with confidence that the Lord has put some really special people in my life!
