this past week, i got the chance to live in a little house on a hill with beds, a kitchen, fireplace, washer and dryer, and the cutest screened porch. i got to live here instead of sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag because 15 out of 32 people on my squad tested positive for covid. praise the Lord i tested negative along with a few other squad mates. these test results brought confusion, fear, a lot of anxiousness and with it being the week before thanksgiving break, i was just so eager to get home and was already wishing the week away.
trying to change my heart posture to a heart of gratitude, i pressed into the Lord everyday, i pressed into community. i did activities with the other healthy members in the house. said yes to things because the Lord gave me sweet intentional time away from a schedule i could’ve had while being on campus. painting, star tripping, doing puzzles, jumping in leaves, sitting in the sun, conversations at dinner. these things may not seem like much but with every yes, i allowed the Lord to give me sweet things.
the sweetest and most intentional thing the Lord offered me while being here was a seat at the table. literally. a seat at the table for every meal but most importantly dinner. meals where i could’ve gone away to eat alone or with maybe two other people, meals where i could’ve been locked into my phone as i ate. saying yes to this seat at the table offered me so many life-giving moments. it offered me laughter, learning how to love others and teaching others how to love me well. it offered conversations of gratitude and conversations of different family dynamics and conversations to bring new perspectives. this seat at the table allow me to see love and be loved.
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the night before we found out our test results, we did a form of worship where we cut out words, colors, and images from magazines and made a collage to see how the Lord is speaking to us. i, however, am not much of an artsy person so i wasn’t the most thrilled about this one. but i gave it shot just to have something to do. as a flipped through the pages of a few magazines, i just cut out images and words that stuck out the most. as i come to a stopping point, i look at all that i’ve cut out and see the words: EXPERIENCE. HOPE. NEW. PURE RESTORATION..
reading these words over and over, i knew these were the things the Lord wanted me to experience. then i looked through one more magazine and cut out a phrase that stuck out but in the moment had no clue why. it said “all is missing is you to table”..
i find myself often times saying no to intentional time with the Lord or not wanting to receive what He wants to give me. perhaps the Lord is telling me that the seat is open, the gifts are there, He wants me to come and enjoy a life-giving experience, He wants me to take the seat simply because He loves me. and He will never push the seat back in once i’ve messed up. and even when i decide to walk away or say no, the seat is still there. He knows my messy but beautiful heart and STILL wants me to come to the table.
i’m all that’s missing. my yes it what has been missing to experience a fullness. how could i ever reject a seat that is always freely given? God is so worthy of my attention. and He thinks the same for me and you.
thank you covid. thank you quarantine. thank you house on the hill, thank you God for always offering me a seat.
