I am sure that from the title, you may have gathered that this month so far has been quite the load emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. If you did, well you’re right and if you didn’t quite figure that out, let me elaborate.
Writing is something that I have been passionate about for quite some time now, but lately, it has been difficult for me, especially this month. I’ve had a lot going on lately and I’ve been trying to figure out how to get it all out. I feel like most people want to hear about what miracles God has performed recently, but the truth is the miracle is that I am still here on the field pushing forward.
Grieving. On the 2ndof this month, I got some great news, I made my third goal on time and I even exceeded it just like I prayed for, for weeks leading up to my deadline. The awesome part was that I hadn’t even known it because the anonymous donations were still processing on the deadline. The lesson was that God has done it already, even if you haven’t seen it yet. However, after I made a video testifying about it all, I reached out to my family to tell them the good news, I sent them tears of joy. They didn’t think they were though, they thought that somehow someone else told me about the passing of one of my little brothers first. I was so devasted that I no longer cared that I reached my goal and how awesome it was. I was broken. To top it off we still had to finish ministry then begin our travel to Argentina. 12 hours on a bus to Lima for an overnight then almost a 6-hour flight to Chile for a 19-hour layover before our hour flight to Argentina the next evening. In the middle of the Chile airport trying to find a safe place to sleep, I was overwhelmed with the thought that in the morning they were going to bury him, and I was going to still be in the middle of this airport with a bunch of people I don’t really know. I went to hide, called my aunt and broke down. The next day I called to check on my other little brother because they were super close; I had never heard him cry so much in my life. I was broken; no matter how much I wanted to hold him, I didn’t get that chance. Some days God’s supernatural peace washes over me and I smile in memory of him, some days I am sort of numb and not sure what I am feeling, then there are days like today where I feel overwhelming emotional and alone in a mass of people. The lack of Wi-Fi seems to help at times because then I’m not always reminded of it and days like today it is a struggle because all I want is to talk to my family. I don’t like to cry in front of people much and I’m not always so quick to let people in while I am going through things. A helpful, yet very rough part of all this is that God already warned me that I was about to lose someone, the problem was that I thought it was someone else, so I didn’t focus correctly, and this isn’t the first time it has happened. When I get it wrong and focus on praying for someone else, I end up feeling guilty for not paying more attention.
Pruning. God has been encouraging me to reevaluate things in my life and to let go of the things that no longer serve me. My prophetic Key from my Keys for the Journey fundraiser reads, “New”. I have found that when you are striving to reach something your struggle will be the opposite of the goal. In my case, God is making me New, so I am struggling with Old. Old ways of thinking, old habits, and relationships. God has asked me to prune my old habit of pushing people away, so He has allowed me to face conflict but is teaching me to handle it in a healthy manner. He has asked me to prune the lie that I can’t or won’t have lasting relationships, so it goes along with the conflict and teaching me how to fight to keep them, but also trusting Him for the relationships that are entering my life and the ones He is asking me to let go of. This is tough because the two relationships He is having me set aside are two of my best friends. I love them dearly, but we are in different places in life and I’ve learned that they aren’t able to call me higher when necessary. They can encourage me to keep going, which is great, but they can’t keep me accountable, so I can no longer run to them with all of me because there is a major part of me that they aren’t able to understand. I am not dismissing them from my life, I am just shifting their roles in my life, but if God says otherwise I trust Him. It is beautiful how God speaks to me because this has been on my heart since Peru and upon arriving here I discovered that it is pruning season here in Argentina also. So, every day they prune the trees and one of my tasks this week was to gather the pruned branches and discard them.
Processing. This has been rough with everything going on all at once, this may be one of the first real moments that I have been able to truly process. Our days here are busy and long, so I usually end up too tired to think through everything and on the days that I could I sometimes don’t know where to begin. I do have two squad friends that I talk to about most of these things, but I don’t always want to give them all of my overwhelming thoughts. I know it is best for me to take them to the Father, but if I am being honest I haven’t been doing so as often as I should, which is probably why I am here now.
Ministry. Every day is completely different from the day before. The labor is plenty, but the laborers are few. YWAM (Youth with A Mission) which is the ministry we are involved in this month has so many outreach connections. So, it is a good thing we are having our all squad month here. We live on a big campus, so some of the ministries we do are to help and serve the base. We are currently cleaning out this GIGANTIC pool to prepare for the summer season here. They host summer camps and allow the community to come swim as a way to evangelize. We have been pruning and moving the branches, cleaning up after the rescue horses, raking up leaves, digging trenches, and maintaining upkeep for the campground as a whole. We also go out into the community each day. We help train soccer players, we went to a school for children with HIV to just celebrate and have fun with them, a team is heading to a village called San Martin to evangelize for the weekend. We do trash pick-up in the neighborhood because there is an open garbage dump, so people drag out the trash to sort through it and leave it in the streets. We have helped a church by going out in their neighborhood to go door to door and through the streets to invite people to church for Christmas and pray with them and their families. That night was a little wild, one lady cursed me because she does Witchcraft and doesn’t believe in Jesus, my group covered me in prayer afterward though. On Sunday each team (there are 4 teams in my squad) went to different churches and gave testimonies, lead worship, or preached a sermon. Yesterday we went to a school in the community to begin sanding the walls of the classrooms, so they can be repainted. Today we all got together to intercede for Argentina, another YWAM branch, the community, and DTS (Discipleship Training School) here at YWAM. A class of students just finished their final exams and are graduating this week and in January another group of students will be arriving. There are so many other ministries that I haven’t yet experienced because other teams were assigned there and there are still more than any of us have yet experienced.
The cherry on top. Our Team Leaders role has been fulfilled, they were previous Alumni that came out again to help guide us through our first three months. My Team Leader just left us 20 mins ago and it hurts because we are super close. I am closer to her than anyone on my team, so at a time like this, it sucks to lose her. I know she will still be in my life, but her hugs have healing power and I am going to miss it for a while.
Prayer Requests:
- All of the things.
- Fundraising: My mission is now to get fully funded. I have $6,402 left to raise and my deadline is January 31, 2020. WOW, I can’t believe I even made it this far in my fundraising and also it is about to be 2020!!!! What the world! I am facing major obstacles with fundraising because I don’t have Wi-Fi this month and we are preparing not to have any in Africa for the next three months. Please pray!
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