My whole life I have never really struggled with my identity. Until this past month… As I was getting to know the Lord better, I felt like I was losing myself. Right when I thought things were going great, I was lost. I felt dry and scared because I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. I struggled with my identity and feelings for most of the first month. The Lord continued to show and teach me things, yet I felt like I would never find who I was. My whole life, I was told that my identity is in Christ and that the Holy Spirit is living inside of me. But, I still had no idea who I was. When you don’t know what something is, you have a hard time finding the value and purpose of that something. I felt as if I was drowning and was continuing to sink to the bottom.
Then, the Lord gave me a vision. I saw a simple seed grow into a sprouting, yellow flower. The sun was radiating over the flower providing growth and comfort. There was a gardener giving the flower the exact amount of water needed to flourish. The flower would grow every now and then. But then, it started to storm. The raindrops and thunder forced the flower to close up and wilt. The flower was stepped on and smashed over and over again. If you couldn’t tell, I’m the flower and the Lord is the sun and gardener. When I believe the lies of the devil, I wither up and become dry. If only the flower would open and look up, the flower would see that the sun has been shining the whole time. The gardener never left; he was the one that picked up the flower every time it drooped. The Lord has always been there, I just thought I could do it on my own. The Lord promises to nourish and give you the necessities to grow. He chooses me and fills me up with what I need to thrive.
Whenever I thought of who I was, I thought of everything I needed to work on. For example, I always told people that I was an angry, impatient, and jealous person. This is something I’ve done my whole life, but just now realized how destructive it was. As I was asking the Lord who I was, the words impatient, jealous and loud popped in my head. But, the Lord immediately told me that I am patient rather than impatient. He told me that I am slow to anger and slow to speak. I am quick to listen and admiring rather than quick to speak and jealous. I am not loud, but passionate. I am kind not mean. The Lord reminded me who I really am and who He made me to be.
The Lord has revealed parts of me that I never knew or heard of. He continues to search me and know my heart. Some truths that forever changed who I am:
– I am made in the image of Christ (Genesis 1:27)
– Sarx (greek word for body; hostile nature) is dead!
– I am no longer one with flesh but one with Christ (Romans 6:1-18)
– The cross exposes how loved we are, not how lost we are.
– I am made new.
– I am learning to live by the Spirit.
– The Lord calls me holy.
– I have the privilege to be transformed.
This is who I am…
“I have been crucified with Christ. Therefore I am set free from sin and I have been united with Christ. The old is gone and the new has come. I can no longer live in sin because I have died to it. Thanks God! I am not a slave to sin, but a slave to righteousness. I am able to walk in the newness of life. I believe, even when I cannot see. I am holy and blameless. Thanks God!”
(Romans 5:1-18, Ephesians 2:14-22, Philippians 1:27, 2 Corinthians 5)
Blog ya laterrr,
Alicia 🙂
