“cling to joy: audacious and unbridled joy, that looks for light in everything, even in your waiting” -morgan harper nichols
sometimes it feels like the only answer i’m getting when i pray is “wait” or “not now.” it seemed like before i left i endured several seasons of “wait” all in a row. it’s hard and it, at times, makes me push harder to get to the next thing. so instead of sitting still, i constantly am moving and trying to keep busy almost as a way of distracting me from the waiting. but the problem is that it created a sense of restlessness in me. i came to realize that in the waiting i’ve just been enduring and not really living to the fullest!!
i realized this in the ministry i’m working with right now, camp hope, which is a ministry that works with people with disabilities. the way it works is that we are divided into rooms named after the fruits of the spirit that separate the patients there based on physical function and age. we all switch around in the rooms based on the need and on what everyone wants to do that day. the room i’ve worked in the most is the room called “amor” or “love.” the first few days in that room i was timid and unsure of what to do and so all i really did was hold kids and make sure they sat up straight and fed them. the days seemed really long and hard and tiring and i walked away feeling drained most of the time those first 2 days.
then instead of doing my quiet time at night i started doing it in the morning as a way to start my day with the renewed energy from the Lord! (just to say there’s nothing wrong with doing it at night it was just a personal preference for me to move it to the mornings) i noticed a difference that day by just taking that intentional time in the morning to spend time building relationships. it was then that it became easier for me to go throughout my whole day mirroring that and building relationships with everyone!!
comfort was something i had strived for at the beginning bc i was in an unfamiliar country and didn’t know my team until we got to training camp, but the more i thought about it the more i realized that comfort is only temporary but joy can fill for a lifetime!! side note the pastor at the church this past week reaffirmed this realization during an english church service we found by pan de vida. the pastor was preaching on Jesus standing before pilate silently and how he chose love and temporary suffering over comfort! it was something that i knew before but it clicked to me during the service!!
This helped me realize that in the waiting there are so many things to do besides wanting to constantly be on the move and “do something”. while i was sitting in the room holding those precious babies i started to talk to the nurses. this helped me practice my spanish and then practice their english and we were able to build relationships! also there is a huge difference between sitting with a child and actively loving them! imagine if every single person pursued each other on earth with the same love Christ pursues us with! this not only made the days go by fast (to the point where i just want it to all slow down!) but it has connected me to these people and they truly hold a piece of my heart now!
i have clung to the joy that i see on lil m’s face every time he smiles when i speak to him. i have clung to the joy of hearing lil j’s laugh when he giggles from a burst of happiness. i have clung to the joy of feeding a child (even when it’s difficult) because i’m able to know that they will be fed at least one good meal that day (many people there come from an orphanage). i have clung to the joy of seeing c recognize me and immediately start our ongoing game of peek-a-boo. and i have clung to so many endless joys there that i wish i could never leave!!
it doesn’t mean. the work is any easier physically and there are times that are still heartbreaking. it’s heartbreaking to hear a child without a home call out for “mamma” or to see someone you love get so sick they won’t eat. but i cling to these joys and to the fact that we serve a good God who is sovereign over all!! a recurring theme for me in my spiritual relationship has mirrored my physical relationships-sitting still and listening instead of being restless.
but intentionally sitting and talking the time to listen created a desire to pursue Christ and the Holy Spirit the way he pursues me. it’s not that i didn’t pursue him before but it’s a season of complete dependence and real rest in the Lord! i can’t get enough!! it’s not just enduring: it’s a love that’s deep and wide and long and high and incomprehensible and wonderful and resting in God!! it’s peace that literally surpasses all understanding and joy that loves hard!! a part of my heart breaks knowing i have to leave these babies in a week but it’s also so full from the love i’ve been able to give and receive and the joy that comes with that!!
“How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; •in your light do we see light•. Oh, continue your steadfast love to those who know you, and your righteousness to the upright of heart!”
??-Psalms? ?36:7-10? ?ESV??
i cannot thank y’all enough for your love and support and prayers!! please continue to pray for these precious babies and for my team as well (we’ve got some sickys going around)! this may (or may not i really don’t know yet) be my last blog post until peru!! we leave from quito next week to travel to a women’s shelter to work for the last week in ecuador!! crazy how fast time flies!! but we won’t have service or wifi there (i think but again we are just living day by day i don’t really know) and then we will have some LONG travel days!! we travel first to baños for debrief and then to peru!! the travel to peru will take about a day and maybe a half so please keep those travels in your prayers as well!! i love you all and can’t wait to tell you more later!!
*face blurred/not shown and names not included for privacy reasons
