Hey,
I’m sorry its been a while…
A lot has happened since the last time I posted.
As many of you know, due to this pandemic, every racer was sent back home. There are racers that had been on the field for just two months and other racers that only had a month left. My squad had three more months left. We were on our last week in Asia, preparing to move from one culture to another, preparing for our parents to come to Ecuador and serve with us on the field, preparing for the last stretch of the race. In a matter of days, the parent trip was cancelled and our route changed; we were being sent home.
I thought I had three more months of what I had become accustomed to. I thought I had three more months living in community with my squad. I thought I had three more months of experiencing God in the most exotic of places.
That was the plan anyway. That was my plan…. That is what I had signed up for anyhow.
It’s been a month since I’ve been off the field. How is it that I haven’t processed this yet? Or at least I haven’t experienced what I think processing this should look like.
It honestly took me this long to write because I don’t know how I feel. I haven’t even figured out what’s going on in my head.
How do I put into words how I’m feeling when the race ended so abruptly and now I am quarantined in the house due to a pandemic?? You’d think I’d use all this free time to process and collect my thoughts.
A friend reminded me that I’m used to change and adapting. I’m used to moving around and saying goodbye. Could that be it? Could that be why I am not balling my eyes out and being at a state of unrest?
Or, could it be that I’m experiencing the Great Comforter? Could it be that this year more than ever taught me to trust in the Lord and the plans He has? To trust and believe that nothing happens without His ok?
I think that is what I am going to hold on to. I am going to hold on to the truth that all that is happening is in the hands of God and that He is embracing me and comforting me the whole time.
No, I didn’t get to complete 11 months of the race. But what I did get: I got eight beautiful, challenging, unbelievable months. I got experiences and memories that I will always have to look back on. I got lifelong friendships. And most importantly, I got exactly what the Lord wanted me to receive out of this experience.
So I’m not going to complain. I am not going to be angry at God or question Him. I am not going to wish things were different.
Instead, I am going to thank Him. I am going to thank Him for this extended time I have with my mom and little sister. I am going to thank Him for the two jobs He has provided for me since being back. I am going to thank Him even for the cold days (of which after the African and Asian heat is an ice cube). I am going to thank Him for all that He taught me while I was gone. And I am going to thank Him in advance for what He is about to do.
When I got the news that the race was ending I was struggling but I was comforted by the words of a wise man of whom I call father:
“You have run the race from the moment you decided to do it! You have run the race from the moment you became a leader and gave it your best, you have run the race because you have never quit a race that He set up and put together… it could have ended if you hadn’t completed the fund requirement but he let you raise it all to tell you that He is with you ALL the way!! It’s a race that continues until you see Him… then, in the crowning with the crown of glory. He made all the calls! You have trusted Him all the way. I am trusting, He who started a good work in you will bring it to completion. The race is NOT over! You are still running!”
So I’m going to keep running because the race isn’t over and mama didn’t raise no quitter!
Thank you to all that supported me and prayed for me throughout this whole experience. I am forever grateful for you.
No, I’m not quite sure what’s next but I know who goes before me and I like my odds.
ITR
