After a very long travel day (15 minute bus ride across the border) my team made it to Zambia! This month we are in Livingstone, Zambia, working with a ministry called Africa 4 Jesus. This ministry focuses mainly on community outreach, visiting orphanages, women’s bible study, and putting on kids programs.
I’ve only been here two days and I already feel like a lot is going to happen this month. I have a feeling God is going to show up big.
Vulnerability time. Let me see if I can put these thoughts into words.
On Sunday morning, after my cup of coffee with Jesus, I was feeling discouraged, confused, and stressed. I was questioning a lot. I was confronted with a lot of doubts that hadn’t been there before, mostly targeting my faith. As I was getting ready for church, I tried to suppress these questions and doubts. I tried to shove them back into the box they had been hiding in before they popped out while at the same time trying to process them by myself… a typical Tiffany thing to do.
By this point about five more people had trickled in to the church in a typical African time fashion.
For the first 20-30 minutes of his sermon he invited people up to the front to share how good God is and what they are thankful for. I did not feel like sharing. I knew what I was thankful for but I did not feel like giving thanks.
Side note: Earlier that morning Calla and I had talked about divine love. So that was swirling around in my head.
I was debating if I should go up there. I knew what I was thankful for but it wasn’t a typical answer. Honestly, I was frustrated with the answer I was thinking of sharing but I felt like I needed to share it nonetheless. Right before me, what seemed like a 4 year old girl went up there. Her name was Divine! So of course I knew the Lord wanted me to stand up and say what was on my mind… I mean I have the mind of Christ, right? My thoughts are His thoughts. So I why not?
My answer: “I am thankful for God’s divine love. God is romancing me everyday. I’m not going to lie, I struggle with hearing the voice of God. He has been very silent. So I guess, more specifically, I am thankful for God’s silence. Because without His silence, I don’t know if I would be as thirsty for Him as I am now. I don’t know if I would be trying so hard to get to know Him more.”
Told you. Not a typical thing one would be thankful for. To be honest, that silence can get on my nerves a lot of the time. It can almost make me give up on trying to experience more of God.
But let me tell you, after I had the boldness to stand up and share that, my mood changed. The heat didn’t bother me as much, the church was full at this point, and I was excited to see how else God was going to show up.
I am not saying all is dandy. I am not saying that all my doubts are gone or that all my questions are answered. Oh no, those are still present. What I am saying is that God delights in our obedience. I have found the more obedient I am to Him, the closer to Him I feel. So maybe that is the key. Maybe the more obedient to Him I am, the more He will continue to bless me with revealing Himself a bit more everyday.
Take-away: You might not feel like reading your Bible. You might not feel like worshipping. You might not feel like prayer. But if yesterday taught me anything, the more I glorify God through worship and obedience, the more I experience Him. And who doesn’t want to experience God?
Thank you all who have been following my journey this far. I am so close to hitting my fundraising goal and that’s because of all of your prayers and support and the goodness of God 😉
Talk to you soon,
ITR
