It’ been 10 days since my team and I arrived in South Africa and I’ve already been hit with many challenges…
Over the passed week we have been doing community outreach in squatter camps of Joburg.
Community outreach is something I have never done before. It’s basically going door to door and telling strangers about Jesus. Ok, ok… it’s more than that. It’s approaching these people, building a relationship with them, helping them with their laundry, dishes and other house work, and then hopefully transition into explaining the Gospel. Totally not in my comfort zone, still a challenge… I mean it’s only been three days and I did say I was going to work on my patience 😉
Vulnerability time.
Since training camp all I’ve wanted is to feel the Holy Spirit. To sense His presence and to know His voice. To see an image or hear a word that He wants me to share with someone to encourage them. But nothing… I’ve prayed and prayed but I’ve been feeling empty. I would cringe anytime someone would say, “ok, now pray for the Holy Spirit to give you a prophetic word” because all I would do is pray for one and see or hear nothing. I always felt defeated…
It was the same with outreach. The first day I felt like I had nothing to contribute, so I sat in the back playing with the kids and just listening to my leaders and fellow teammates. Defeat.
A couple nights ago we had a woman’s Bible study here at the base of our ministry site. And what do you think the first thing we did was? We meditated. FOR 9 WHOLE MINUTES. 9 minutes of no talking. 9 minutes of just laying there on the cold tile floor waiting and praying to hear the Spirit.
Side note: I have been reading a book by Bob Goff called, “Everybody, Always” (amazing, 100% would recommend) and one of the chapters I had read that day talked about not faking your faith. God doesn’t want pretend us but what’s in our hearts. So as I was laying there I did not want to make up anything in my head just to seem like my faith was greater than what it was.
I’m almost positive that all I’m about to say was me just thinking this but as I was laying there with my eyes closed, I thought of a deer running and all I could think about is the verse “As a deer pants for water so my soul thirsts for you” … that’s how I’d been feeling… I was thirsty, hungry for more of God, more of the Spirit.
Another side note: the passed couple of days I had been writing in my journal how I wanted to be filled by the Holy Spirit.
So another thing I thought of was a cup. A cup that could not contain all the Spirit had to offer to the point where the cup was overflowing. I found myself smiling. How great a feeling that would be to be overflowing with so much good??!!
I then realized something else when I shared this with the group. I told God I’d be working on patience this year and patience is something I haven’t had. I want the fullness of the Holy Spirit right now… but that’s not how this works. It’s a relationship. It takes time and work.
So I’m going to keep working on this relationship with the Spirit. I’m not going to stop, because I am hungry for more, I am thirsty. I’m like a deer that pants for water.
Never stop pursuing God, because He is so so beautiful and He can do so much more than we could ever imagine.
(My view every morning)
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers… Lord knows I need them 😉
ITR
