I wanted to start off by apologizing for not writing recently. It is my every intention to keep you up to date on everything going on I just have been overwhelmed this past couple of weeks and truthfully have lost motivation to keep writing. I do not know if any of you are struggling with this, but I have been going through a season that has put into question my priorities and I am writing to you all to address the devotion the Lord has placed on my heart. To say balancing an academic schedule, work schedule, clubs/meetings, and trying to fundraise isn’t easy would be an understatement. I went as far as blocking off my calendar completely I started off by taking the 165 hours within a week and subtracting out necessities: time to sleep, shower, eat, work on fundraising, go to class, etc. In doing so, I only had 5 hours left over for the entire week. Every part of me wanted to set that time aside to just watch Netflix or spend time with friends, instead, I chose to devote that time and spending it in devotionals. I noticed how there were five school days in the week and thought how there was nothing better I could do then close out my day in prayer and Scripture. So, every school night besides Thursday, since I have my Christian fellowship large group that night, I include Saturdays, I devote an hour to spend with God. I do overlap things such as getting dinner and would just do my homework as I ate so I could have extra time, so I have some free time. I will admit this was not an ideal situation, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. I wanted to be as spiritually prepared as possible with my pending mission trip around the corner. Somedays my time with God was spent in prayer, other times in worship and everything in between. In doing so, I felt my life truly become so much better. If I am being completely honest, I felt as though my world has been crashing in around me. At my work, I quickly grew tired of constantly working as many hours as possible. On top of that, my boss and I were having some conflicts. It came to the point where I thought I needed to quit for my mental health. On top of this, since coming to college, I lost some friends that meant a lot to me and I felt so alone. One friend was there from the beginning with me as I came to know Christ, another who I looked up to as a mentor, and two who I considered some of my best friends that honestly understood me better than anyone else. As I am preparing for one of the greatest journeys of my life so far, receiving some of the harshest criticism for my faith I have ever faced, not having the people I considered some of my greatest supporters broke my spirit. I was confused, I began to wonder if God was truly calling me to go on this trip then why was it filling me with so much sadness and grief? Though during these struggles and times of doubt, God remained faithful. I ended up telling my boss I could not continue working, which was such a hard decision because I needed this job for tuition and for my mission trip, but I had to put my health first. Though God went before me and fixed a complicated situation, the next day of my resignation, my boss asked if she could meet with me. She told me she could not afford to lose me and promised to improve working conditions. I was able to arrange the schedule I needed that allowed me to have the hours I needed. Christ also went before me and helped me in my time of brokenness. I felt so alone but the thing is, I am never truly alone because I have God by my side. Yes, I have been feeling knocked down, but I also am going to get right back up, not because of my own strength but because of the strength provided to me from God. He has shown me there is a purpose to my pain. Losing some people was harder than I could express to you, but I know I allowed those individuals to have too much of a hold on my life. God has placed me in a time of solitude during this season. Something I learned was that if God is preparing you to make an impact on this world for His kingdom, chances are He will take you through a season of solitude. This is a season when you learn that you can’t lean upon anyone but Him for your confidence and when you gain the strength to stand alone even when no one stands with you. Typically, I love being completely surrounded by others and nights alone in my dorm room would not sound fun to me but surrounding myself with Christ has been the most amazing experience of my life. I have never been so confident in Christ and who I am. When I felt alone Christ was using this season to remind me that I am surrounded by the most amazing all-consuming unconditional love and there was nothing else I truly needed. There is a quote I once heard, “God would not ask us to do something he hasn’t already done himself.” When I felt like I had no one to talk to, I could have been praying to God, someone who could understand everything I am going through better than anyone else. In this time of hindrance, I have been diving into scripture and praying that Christ would renew my spirit and place within me a drive and motivation like no other. Every spare moment I have been having lately I have been spending working on my fundraiser, diving in scripture, or praying. I have been reading the Word of God more than I have probably in my entire life and I can’t help but want to share what I have been reading with others, which is why you may have noticed on social media I have been posting scripture more often. So many people have reached out thanking me for spreading the word of God, it’s crazy to think God is able to use a time of solitude to still impact so many people’s lives, but that is just God for you.With my schedule, I thought I would come back to my dorm exhausted, but I truthfully have never felt so alive. Everything seems to be falling into place and it has just been a wonderful reminder of who God truly is and how faithful He is. In small group, we are reading through the book of Ruth and I am really have been hearing God’s voice in scripture through this book. We read about how Ruth volunteered to glean the fields to support herself and her mother-in-law. This job was neither desirable nor easy but instead was tiring and backbreaking. Though Ruth did not wait to be told to go and glean the fields, she instead took the initiative to go out and work. Ruth did this not because she wanted to but because she knew her hard work would pay off and she trusted in the Lord that better things were to come. So, in this time, when I grew tired, I would remind myself that I am not working for myself but rather for a greater purpose and to just trust in Christ to provide. I realized that chances are if God is preparing you to make an impact on this world for his kingdom, chances are He will take you through a season of solitude. This is a season when you learn that you can’t lean upon anyone but Him for your confidence and when you gain the strength to stand alone even when no one stands with you. Recently, I met with one of my small group leaders, Blake, he said this quote that has stuck with me, “don’t tell me you do not have enough time for God, for if that were true don’t you think God would have created the days 25 hours long and the weeks 8 days long?” I cannot express to you guys how rewarding devoting just some of your time to God, why wouldn’t we give some of our time to the one who created time himself? I challenge you all to take some time out of your schedule, no matter how busy you are, to spend time with the Lord and your life will truly change for the better. Please keep me in your prayers that I will have a servant’s heart like Ruth, living my life not for myself but rather truly living for God by loving others and to have a continued devotion to growing closer to God in all aspects of life.
With love,
Sarah Kullen
