Whaddup fam, it’s been a minute.
More than happy to be sitting here tonight in the same coffee shop that I will be writing each of my blogs in until I leave (shoutout to East Portland Coffee Roasters for being 24 hours. you da real plug). I’ve been thinking all week about what to even write about in my next blog and was actually stressed about it. I told my best friend and everything, I really didn’t want to sit here tonight and just ramble. She simply told me that it would come to me. I literally just told her “ok” because I didn’t know how else to reply to such a simple answer.
As I was driving through the rain, on my way here tonight, the song “There Is a Cloud” by Elevation Worship came on. It instantly brought me back to worship last weekend at the One Conference in Portland where Havilah Cunnington spoke about the two narratives that follow in our lives. She spoke about the Fact Narrative which cannot be denied and the Truth Narrative which comes from trusting what God says about your life. I realized that we wake up everyday with the choice to let one rule our lives.
I was sitting on the edge of my seat throughout the sermon because this message was for me.
The distance I have been feeling from God recently has been the most distance I have felt in a very long time. I came to realization that this distance I’ve been feeling was being caused by the choice I have made to listen to those lies the devil portrays in my life.
“You aren’t pretty enough.
Your family is too complicated.
You can’t even find your favorite verse in the Bible without looking at the table of contents because you don’t know the Bible well enough.
You’re not happy when you’re alone.
You can’t go to church by yourself. That’s weird.”
It’s the most foolish words to believe. Words that aren’t truth from God, yet I chose to believe anyway because they sounded true.
I found myself in a hole. I knew exactly where I stood but didn’t know how to get out. I went up for prayer at church a couple weeks ago and told this lady all about the distance I had been feeling. I told her the feeling of being attacked by the devil. Let me tell you, she gave me the most reassuring words that evening. She told me about her experience before launch for YWAM a couple years back. SHE WAS IN THE SAME DROUGHT I WAS IN. As she showered me in prayers, she repeated the words “like a flood, like a flood”.
I was given hope that night knowing that even though I have been feeling this dryness, I was going to receive God’s love “like a flood”. This may feel like the end but really, it’s only the beginning.
thank you thank you.
Love always,
<3 P
