Goodbyes have never been hard for me. I used to attribute this to my independence, but in reality it’s because I’ve never had an identity outside myself. Maggie only needs Maggie to be Maggie. so I thought. I’ve only ever had an identity rooted in myself that no matter who was taken away I knew that I would still continue to be myself. So you get the point right? Well I was wrong. Surprise surprise.
Christ wants us to be in community and through community He wants us to have an identity in Him.
Well I recently learned this the hard way….
When my best friend Paul left for the naval academy I found a part of myself missing in a way I have never felt before. I tried to convince myself that he didn’t mean that much to me but lying never solves anything.
Paul for the past couple years was my rock, and the person who always sees the good in me even when I can’t see it in myself. When I felt that everyone else had abandoned me, he was the one who stayed. Well now he’s gone too.
And I was very very sad at first and I still am, but I know that wanting him here would be selfish. The day before he left I was balling. For example, everytime I thought of him I would break down sobbing… it was ugly. But I was crying because I was thinking about how much of a loss it was for ME. The next day when I went to watch him for I Day, I was sad but I didn’t cry because I was seeing where he was meant to be. He is going to grow so much that the feeling I had yesterday made me feel selfish for wanting him to stay. My loss is the academy’s great gain, he is the exact person you want serving our country.
But wait that’s not all! Christ had his own message behind it as well! As I saw Paul walk through the doors, I knew this was the final step for my own growth.
Christ wants us to live in him and rely solely on him, something I was excited to learn on the actual Race, but I guess practice makes perfect.
I miss Paul with my whole heart, but I’m viewing it as an opportunity to rely solely on Christ, to need nothing but HIM and to seek nothing but what HE asks. Paul helped me get through the hard times but now I need to grow and continue this journey to Christ by myself.
Writing this also made me realize The Race isn’t just going to help the racers grow closer to God, but the friends and family they say goodbye to. The fact that all these amazing young men and women said “yes” to Christ’s call is evidence enough that they are going to be someone’s great loss. It’s hard being the one left behind. Let it hurt, but turn that hurt into something beautiful and know that this is an opportunity to continue your own spiritual journey towards Christ.
Christ told us to leave Everything and follow him, and I’m fully ready to do that now.
