Let’s go back to February 25th, 2020.
It was most likely a freezing, maybe even a snowy, day for you. It was a Tuesday so you probably were at work or school, and already counting down to the weekend. You had heard of the coronavirus – but thought it was some random disease that would go away soon and you didn’t need to worry about it.
On February 25th, I was in Penang, Malaysia on The World Race. I was in my second month out of 11, and so excited about the upcoming countries and ministries. It was BLAZING HOT (I was constantly sweating #WRlife), we got to stay at a dorm with lots of fellow Racers, we ate alllll the Indian food, and the majority of our ministry was helping to open up a thrift shop to raise money for a school for refugee children. But on Tuesdays, we always spent about 7 hours in the PenHOP prayer room – fasting, praying, and worshipping God.
I’m sure you think 7 hours of this seems like a long time. Well…. it was.
The first Tuesday was pretty hard for me. I remember thinking, “what in the world am I going to do for 7 hours?? I can’t read the Bible that long… and I don’t have THAT much to pray about, do I?!”
But by the end of the month, I loved these times. They were my special time with God – where I had the besssstt conversations with Him. I was able to take so much time to read the Word, praise Him through worship songs, pray for my family and friends at home, and my favorite part – write in my journal.
My former boss at the job I had before leaving for the Race gifted me with an awesome journal to take along with me. I used it to write to God and document my time on the Race. And it got a LOT of use in that prayer room.
On Feb 25th, I began writing out my dreams and plans for the next 10 years. Some of them included:
-Moving to Austin, TX
-Continue career in non-profit
-Becoming a minimalist (HA!)
-Paying off my student loans (iykyk)
-Becoming a foster parent
-Hiking the AT
and more.
Now I’m not sure why – but I was CONVINCED that after the race I was going to move to Austin, TX. I’ve never even been to Austin (and not even Texas!) so I’m not sure why I was so sure this was the plan for me. After I wrote out these dreams, I began writing out specific prayers to God asking Him to work out all of the logistics of moving to Austin (find a job, get an apartment and live with roommates if needed, get connected to a church that aligns with my beliefs, etc).
But as I was wrapping up this prayer, I remember God telling me that I needed to include at the end that I might not end up moving to Austin – but that’s okay. I remember not wanting to write that at allllllll. But I knew God wanted me to, so I finally did.
“If I am not supposed to go to Austin, I ask that You help me be okay with that and trust You have something better for me. I give this dream to You. Amen.”
So of course, I was definitely sad thinking about how I had this “dream” and it might not even happen. But then, something beautiful happened.
The worship band began playing a song I had never heard before. All the sudden, I started putting together what the lyrics were saying:
I lean not on my own understanding,
my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven
I remember thinking how WOW I have just put my dream, and my life, into someone who made HEAVEN!!! If He can make Heaven… imagine what He can do with my life!! No matter where I live, God has incredible plans for me. It made me so happy!
I began scribbling the lyrics all around the pages of my journal where I just wrote out this prayer:
I give it all to You, God, trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open
Well fast forward to March 20th. I’m back in the United States – in Indianapolis – sleeping in my bed at my parents’ house. While I completely understood that it had to be done, I was very upset that we were all sent home due to COVID-19. I laid there crying and not knowing what was going to happen next in life. I began playing worship music – and specifically the song that made such an impact on me in Malaysia: Nothing I Hold Onto. It hit me then why God told me to write that last part in my prayer. I didn’t know it at the time, but He was slowly preparing my heart for when I would be sent home in a few weeks.
Now looking back, I see how we can dream up all of these wonderful plans for our life and work hard to achieve those goals and dreams – but at the end of the day, we are not in control of our lives. It definitely sucks that I couldn’t finish out my 11 months on the field, and that the Lord has told me to not go back out on The World Race. It’s still confusing, and stressful, and frustrating… but I know he is making something beautiful out of me.
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So what’s next?
In May, when we found out our options for a possible relaunch and to consider AIM’s other programs, I felt the Lord tell me that my time with The World Race and AIM was done. It was definitely hard to hear – and it’s still hard to hear – but I know He has a different plan for me. When I went to look at the WR website in February 2019, I immediately felt such a strong call from the Lord to sign up. Of course I wanted to go, but I signed up because I knew I had to go – because He told me to. This was the same as when He told me not to go back out on the race. BUT, I know this isn’t it for me for missions. I cannot wait to see how He will use me to bring Heaven to Earth, and further the Kingdom, in the years to come!!!
In June, I was offered a fundraising position at the American Legion Auxiliary National Headquarters here in Indianapolis. I am so thankful the Lord provided me with not only a job, but one in my career field, especially during these crazy times. And not only that, He was now provided me with the cutest 1-bedroom apartment in a little area in Indy called Irvington – where I am literally STEPS from a coffee shop, diner, record store, biking/running trails, and so much more. He is literally SO SO GOOD!!!
One last thing
I want to thank EVERYONE who has supported me in my World Race journey over the last year and a half. All of you supported me right from the beginning, and I couldn’t be more thankful. From encouraging texts, financial donations, attending a fundraising event, praying for me, and so much more – I cannot thank you enough for everything you have all done for me. This journey wasn’t always easy, or glamorous, or fun – but aside from God, you guys helped me to keep going. THANK YOU AND LOVE YOU ALL 🙂
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Some blessings since being home:
When we found out we were going home, there was never a second where I stressed about where I would go once I landed in the states. I arrived in Indy at midnight on March 19th, and my parents were there to greet me and take me home. My mom even had set up the guest room just for me! And since church was moved to online, we had the best Sunday mornings at home where we spent time talking about the sermon and what God is currently teaching us through all of this – while enjoying some coffee and scrambled eggs 🙂
God showed me how I can be resilient. While I was pretty down the first week I was home, I didn’t stay down for long! I studied and earned my TESOL certification… and started my own marketing and media business! I do have a full time job now, but this makes for a great side hustle 🙂
One of my childhood friends got engaged this year! We threw her a little engagement party the best way we knew how: with tacos and margaritas 🙂 I remember we were sitting around and chatting, and I thought, “Wow… I would be in South Africa right now. But I’m glad to be with my friends!” God has provided me with the best sisters-in-Christ!
Many days this summer have been spent at the lake… and I cannot complain!! It’s never a dull moment with these girls… along with my brother and his friends 😀 I am thankful to have a brother who is also my friend!!
Along with these joys, such sadness has happened in the states this year and I cannot ignore that. I can’t imagine being overseas with all of the racial injustice happening here. I’m glad I could go to a protest in downtown Indy and use my voice to speak out against these injustices. I know this is far from over – I commit to always listen, learn, and fight against racism for the rest of my life!
I am now a proud resident of Irvington!! S/O to my parents, and my friend Abby, for helping me make my apartment into the coziest & cutest space.
This trail is right outside my apt! And I’m only about a 20 minute bike ride to the best restaurants & shops in downtown Indy 🙂
One of the saddest parts for me with doing the Race was leaving my nephews, and missing the birth of the first niece. I was afraid they would forget me, especially because they are so young. But I have been able to see Everest twice, and next weekend I get to see my other nephews and meet my new niece in Colorado!!!
