Last night I was sitting before G and asking Him to reveal my “Why” for my being here, for choosing the race and pursuing His people. My mind flooded with different thoughts and eventually one stood out more then the others. Since I was a youth, G has placed certain desires on my heart. A few of them being; living overseas and empowering His people to go and make disciples amongst their own nation, to create a safe haven for family and youth by having an open home for people to come to when they need food and rest; and teaching people the practical skills that they need to help provide for their own families. I want people to see there full potential and encourage them to be the difference in their communities and families. I know that none of these desires are wrong. But they are the reasons the motivated my “whys.”
Looking at it now most of my “whys” have always lead back to myself and selfish intent. What am I going to do with the rest of my life and how can I make that happen? As you might be able to tell, the question has always been about me. The desire to serve G the rest of my life is not a bad desire but my approach has always been about me and my timing not G’s timing. One of my “whys” for the race was selfish. I was bored of living a normal life and wanted to make my own desire come about so I made that happen for myself.
Yes, I do believe that G had His hands in all the decisions that lead me to going on the WorldRace but not once do I think I truly died to my flesh in order to make a decision. Something I have questioned my team on from month one of the race, whether it was joke or not has been, “What does G want for you,” or “I am hearing a lot of “I’s” in that sentence.” Sometimes those questions can be hard to handle because of how much our flesh is battling to have our hearts. When I apply those questions to my “whys” for coming on the race, I quickly realize it was made about me.
This brings me to a new question, “What is G’s why for me being here?” And the answer I keep getting is “surrender.” Which is funny because I don’t know what that means or what it should look like for my walk with G. But that’s part of the journey, and I choose to make this journey about bringing glory to G. I want my flesh to be ripped to shreds and be transformed by G. I want to stop living for me and start living each day fully surrendered to G. Now, I pray out to G asking Him to transform me. To allow His spirit to work within me molding my thoughts and my heart to be more like Him. I pray that my why to be all about Him!
Lacy Jolene
