The Lord wants us to walk in humility so that we can be bold for Him and lose nothing. Just as David tended to the flock in humility so the Lord could be glorified in His ruling in the future we are called to pull back so that the Lord can sling us forward into our purpose. But it must be done in reverence and submission. To be the scum of the earth means pouring out your heart so that you are solely filled with Jesus’ heart. It means walking in boldness and humility, knowing that the two can go together, but you simply have to let Him teach you how to combine them for his Kingdom. Colossians 2:18-19 tells us to not allow others to disqualify us, keeping true to His courage and boldness, but to always remain in humility, not getting puffed up with a sensuous mind about what He is training you into. He says we must hold fast to His head, where we remain grounded and nourished in His love through depending on Him in humility. Boldness comes from humble discernment, and abandoning yourself so you only pour out things of the Lord, and nothing that flows is of you. You aren’t here to be praised but to be conscripted as a vessel for the battle of the Kingdom. You didn’t win it, but He wants you to be an active soldier. We can’t be hurt when we lose if we have nothing of ourselves to get hurt or upset over.
I wrote that at the beginning of June, and over the past month, I have meditated over that verse and allowed the Lord to train me into who He wants me to be. I have learned that He needed me to be confirmed in my conscription and strength before He gave me the purpose and abilities I had longed for so deeply.
The past month has been a time of outpour, but also one of getting filled up in ways I hadn’t prior to Thailand. Through real community for the first time in my life, the Lord training me in spiritual gifts I had so fervently prayed for, and being opened to another aspect of my future, Papa has shown me that He needed me to learn what it meant to slow down and walk in bold humility before those things were revealed.
I want to share with you an exciting promise that has been uncovered for me. In a previous blog post, I talked about how impactful jail ministry was for me, and I believe the Lord plans to use me for jail ministry in my future. Many of you know I feel called to do international ministry for women in prostitution and sex-trafficking, but a recent dream has uncovered a beautiful way in which He would like me to minister to youth in juvenile detention centers as well.
I am so thankful that He wants to use me for both, and while I do not plan on sharing that dream over this blog post, I am so thankful that He has spoken this so clearly over me, and that He is using literally every ounce of my wretched past to pursue others and help them come to know the Deliverer that brought me out of the pits of clay that I was drowning under. Jail ministry is now going to be an active part of my future, and I will continue to be training and relying fervently on the Lord to uphold prostitution ministry and intertwine it with the new aspect of my purpose that has been revealed.
If you would like to partner with me in prayer over this, I would so greatly appreciate it. I have been praying over a job that will train me in the skills I need for my future, and today I stumbled upon a job as a youth advocate in the area of my college town, where I would be helping mentor and raise at-risk youth as well as youth who have been through similar struggles as me change the trajectory of their future. Be praying that the Lord provides a position for me if that is the will of His heart.
The Lord is so faithful. When you ask you will receive. It takes time. Sometimes a few years. But you receive. When you walk into what He asks of you. When you take time to train in your gifts and meditate over your desires, making sure they align with His heart, He gives you things that reveal how looking more like Jesus will help others do the same. I am so thankful for my messy past. I am thankful for the hurt. Because now, I get to help other girls in two very messy and specific areas come to know the Jesus that literally saved me. Wow. He is just so good. I love you Papa.
