Happy Sunday and Happy Father’s Day! I’ve been in Thailand for about 2 weeks now, which is crazy. This past week we started working with a local ministry called Agape. It is a home for kids that are affected by HIV/Aids, and they also share the gospel with the kids who call Agape home. It is a really cool organization from what I have seen so far. Our work with them has, like a lot of things about this trip, been different than what I expected. I was expecting a very relational type of ministry. One where I got to know the kids and learn their stories and get to love on them. We were there from 9am-4pm Monday through Friday of this week, and we did manual labor the entire time. We have cleaned, painted, repainted, cleaned some more, and painted some more. I’m telling you, lots of painting. We got to spend about an hour each day with the kids on Thursday and Friday, which was a good little change of pace. Getting to help this organization with manual tasks that they need to get done has been a privilege, but my “wanting to feel useful” attitude has struggled with it at the same time. In my head, bringing the kingdom means building relationships, and so far, there just has not been as much of that as I had expected.
I’m going to be real here. Mentally, I have been all over the place over this week. I have had moments when I am at such peace with where I’m at and what I’m doing. It can change in a split second though. I can be feeling great at one moment and then wondering what I’m even doing here the next. I am really learning how difficult faith can be. It is a choice we have to make constantly, not a “one and done” kind of thing. I thought that my “yes” to this trip was my big leap of faith. And I think that was a big part of it. However, I wasn’t anticipating all of the little moments where I have to choose to let faith win rather than the doubt and confusion I am feeling.
It’s funny how good God is at providing you with what you need when you need it. At the beginning of the week I was listening to my dad’s sermon from White Stone this past Sunday. It was about faith. At one point he talked about the story of Peter walking on water, and I connected with that more than I ever have before. Peter was bold in his first step. Jesus said “Come”, and Peter did just that. That took faith. However, his trouble came after he took the big step, when he found himself in the middle of unknown waters and saw the waves and wind. That is when he began to sink. The initial step is so important, but it is even more important to remember that the one step isn’t going to be the only time you have to choose to trust. Once you are on the water, you have to keep your eye on Jesus and trust that he has got you exactly where he wants you.
I have a strong desire to be productive. I want to be a part of mountains moving during these two months. I know I serve a God who is capable of that. However, I have realized that I don’t need to be putting so much pressure on how much I am doing. Jesus did not have anything that he needed Peter to “do” in those moments on the water. Peter needed to simply “be” and keep his eyes locked on the one who has the plan. I am learning to “be”. I’m not great at it, but I’m in the perfect position to get better.
And about the relational thing… I was praying that I would form some relationships with people here. People whose names I could learn and who I could build friendships with during my remaining time in Thailand. I met two ladies who were vendors at one of the local markets. I had good conversations with each of them, and I told them both that I would be back throughout the rest of the month to see them and buy more things from them. I learned their names and they learned mine. The conversations weren’t anything spectacular, but they both started a relationship, which is what I’ve been longing for.
God is so good, and growing deeper with Him is so cool. Here’s to being halfway through month one!
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:8-10
