Before you get the wrong idea, no, The Awakening is not a cult or a weird gathering or anything like that (lol). A few days before debrief, my squad was able to meet up with Gap A (who are stationed in South Africa right now) to worship together, share stories, and just come together as the church and one body of Christ. For me, the three days of awakening was full of growth and change. God moved in so many ways and really broke down walls in my heart.
Basically this is how the whole event worked. Everyone (both A and B squad) split up into five different groups; worship, evangelism, intercession, storytelling, and hospitality. Each group had their own roles for the event. For example, the worship group was in charge of creating the atmosphere of worship for the event. The evangelism group was in charge of teaching on evangelism, and creating an opportunity for us to go out and evangelize. There were also coordinators for the groups; two people from each squad, who worked together to lead the groups and put into motion the plan for their group. The whole event was pretty much racer led (other than creating a schedule) and we got out of it what we put in. It turned out really well and it seemed like everyone embraced their roles and made the best of our time together.
I was blessed with the opportunity to be one of the worship coordinators (shout-out to Matthew, my co-coordinator who did a really great job!) This means that me and Matthew’s job was to work with the other worship coordinators from Gap A and organize worship and create an atmosphere of worship. Getting the chance to step into a position of leadership really grew me in different areas. It forced me to really branch out and talk to new people. I’m someone who is not naturally comfortable talking with new people, but this position forced me out of my comfort zone and I got to know people from Gap A and it was so much fun (much love to you all!). This position also helped me to be myself around people. I don’t think I have ever been more myself on this whole trip, than I was at Awakening, and that was so freeing. This opportunity helped me to grow in leadership and step into being willing to make decisions for a group and grow in physically leading worship. It was so cool how God used me being a worship coordinator, to bring out the real me and grow in different areas I hadn’t gotten to grow in yet.
Going off of that, God used those three days to help me realize how much fear I actually live in and start waking in freedom from that fear. I’ve never thought of myself as being a fearful person. I’m pretty adventurous and I’m not afraid to do (physically) scary things, like skydiving (I want to so bad!). However, during my time at awakening, God opened my eyes to how much I live in an overwhelming fear of man. I am constantly terrified that I will let someone down. I am such a people pleaser, and it comes from a place of not wanting to disappoint people I respect. In new social situations, I am always so scared that the people I meet won’t like me and that people just won’t care about me. I have always been scared of vulnerability. I fear that the person I’m being vulnerable with, won’t care, or will betray my trust in some way. I never want to open myself to the chance of being hurt by people. These are just a few of the thoughts that go through my head a lot, and especially around new people. However, at Awakening God finally helped me realize that I have been living in this fear and helped me start working through it. He reminded me that I am worthy of love from other people, and there are people around me (back home and right now) that will love me for who I am. He reminded me how it is okay to fail or ‘let someone down’ because there is always forgiveness and grace through him. It is okay to not be perfect and to make mistakes because I’m not supposed to be perfect. Ultimately, God will (has) put people in my life that will love me for who I am, even when I mess up.
God has started helping me through this fear; understanding where it comes from, why I do fear, how to be released of that fear and what it looks like to truly walk in freedom with him. I think it is definitely a topic that God will continue to walk me through my entire race, and I know through my whole life. And The Awakening was just the start!
On a lighter note, there was also a really cool God moment that happened the first night of awakening. I was sitting at dinner, waiting to get my food, when one of the hosts comes up to me and says there is a Korean worship team that is going to worship with us tonight. Keep in mind, my team already had a set for worship that night, and we were about to eat dinner so there was no time to practice with them. But I was soooooo excited. I got to meet the leader of the worship team and talk to the team a little bit. They set up their equipment and the plan was they were going to lead for 30(ish) minutes and then we would take over. So after dinner, we figured out that they were going to do one of the songs that we were going to do so they invited us to sing with them! (At this point I am running around, bouncing out of my seat, because I am so excited for worship. Now that I think about it, there was no reason for me to be so excited but I was and I don’t think I have ever been so excited for worship in my life! It was just so cool!!!) After dinner we started worship! They were EXTREMELY talented, they had a violinist, and it was so evident how much they loved the Lord and purely wanted to worship him. After a few songs, me and the rest of the Gap B worship team got to go up and sing/play with them! We got to use their equipment, and they just kind of figured out the songs as we went. It was the most amazing experience because God really brought us all together as one church, and broke the barrier between two different nationalities. It was a really beautiful experience and this whole explanation really didn’t capture just how beautiful, and God ordained it was. I have never felt so free leading worship and it really kick-started the whole awakening in the right direction.
All in all the Awakening was incredible. It was such a time of growth and I really got to know people from Gap A. It was so fun getting to know the Korean worship team and build relationship with them that one night. God really worked in my heart and I don’t think I can put into words just how much I needed this time, and how incredible it was for me! Now, I am so ready to go back to Swaziland and let God continue to work in me.
Kate:)
