There’s been a lot of ups and downs lately. Leaving one village that I just made deep connections with and going to a new one in thailand was hard. Trying to get situated in this new village when only thinking of my old friends. I was going back and forth from Chiang Mai to Chiang Dao (where our ministry is) bc a girl on my team was sick. And that in itself was exhausting. I was running on almost empty & just wanted comforts of home. I wanted a place that I knew I could get good sleep. I wanted a shower that I didn’t have to wear shoes in. I wanted my family where I didn’t have to explain anything to. My eyes were focused on all the things that I didn’t have and I lost sight of all that I do have. Like a community that encourages and loves through it all. Homemade Thai food that my ministry host makes 3 times a day thats the best food I’ve ever eaten. Children that come running up to you after school like you’re a long lost family member that they haven’t seen in years. But most of all I forgot that God is greater than all of this. He has planned all our days out. I forgot that He is my strength. I am not enough and I’m not consistent. But God is enough and He is consistent. Because He is enough that’s what makes me enough. He doesn’t give you a mountain that He knows you can’t climb (alone). Because even if you can’t climb it He can. And that’s literally all that matters. If He gave us things that we could fix on our own no one would call on Him. This past month The Lord has humbled me in that way. He has shown me that I just can’t do life without Him no matter how hard I try. I will never be enough for it. But He is a good God and doesn’t leave us when things get hard (Isaiah 43:2). We use Psalm 139 to encourage us all the time and we read it as:
You have searched ME, Lord.
and you know ME.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive MY thoughts from afar.
3 You discern MY going out and MY lying down;
you are familiar with all MY ways.
4 Before a word is on MY tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
But really it should be read like this:
YOU have searched me, Lord,
and YOU know me.
2 YOU know when I sit and when I rise;
YOU perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 YOU discern my going out and my lying down;
YOU are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
YOU, Lord, know it completely.
We tent to makes all these things about ourself and how we are enough and we have the strength. But the reality is that we dont. And it can be selfish of us to think that we do because then we are down playing the power that the Lord really has. How amazing is it that the King of the world knows your every thought. Not only is that amazing but it should also scare you a little bit. Thats where the fear of The Lord comes into play. This psalm is a psalm of worship. A lot of women read this psalm to encourage other women (for some reason) but David (a man) wrote it in a time of struggle. He’s not saying wow God loves me so much He comforts me and He knows everything about me. I think he’s saying, WOW, God is so much greater than me and He knows every single thing about me. He is worthy of all praise.
God is meant to be feared not in a scary way but a way that makes you want to live your life to please Him. I have finally understood this because I experienced it. I want to live for Him because He gave His life for me. He loves us so much and how selfish of us to want to do all these things of the world for ourselves? We live our life for ourselves and if were being honest a lot of the time we do things (or post things) so that others will envy us. Even though that is a sin (Romans 14:13). I think we could all do better at this because the Lord is powerful and He is good. Who are we to not live for the one who gave us life? This was all revealed to me at one of my lowest points. I wouldn’t have learned this if I hadn’t have been dwelling in all the things I’d wished to be doing instead. But thank goodness He is a merciful God. He didn’t leave me in my pouting. He didn’t give up on me. He knew I couldn’t do it alone. He is just that good to us. He has the power to change our circumstances if He wanted to but a lot of the time we pray small prayers because we say we trust Him but really we don’t believe that. The fear of God is knowing He could do these things bc He is a powerful God. Living your life for God will sometimes be hard, thats for sure. But He promises us great things in eternity. In these hard time’s He always has to remind me to keep my focus on heaven because ones lifetime to Him is a blink of the eye & everything we see is temporary but Eternity with Him is forever. (Colossians 3:2)
Song: I belong to you- Tasha Layton
With So Much Love,
k.c.
