Sooooooo a few nights ago, I had a panic attack. Let me explain:
I have been home for a month now and the Lord has really blessed my time here. I mean yeah I would probably rather still be in Costa Rica but the Lord knows exactly what he is doing and his ways are so much better than mine. Since being back the Lord has been walking me through trust and wisdom.
When ever I first got back I had no idea what I wanted to do for my next step and I am still pretty uncertain but my plan was to sit and do nothing and wait for God to move me. But after reading proverbs, I realized that doing nothing is not that wise. Proverbs 21:5 says “Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty” and proverbs 14:8 says “The prudent understand where they are going but fools deceive themselves.” Those two verses really stressed me out. Not only do I not know what I want to do, I am the worst at planning and I have no idea where Im going. But then other verses like psalm 46:10 say to be still, and Matthew 6:25-27 says not to worry about the future. I know there is a difference between worrying and being wise but I just don’t know that difference.
So last night I was sitting outside and all these worries and fears came over me. I was thinking about the future and how I would pay for that possible future and if I wasn’t being wise in that way and I was so over come with these emotions that I just laid on the floor and cried. I started calling people to ask them to pray for me and about an hour into it some of my fears started to go away. I went to my room to go to bed but I did not want to comfort myself with the things of this world but I wanted to take comfort in Jesus so I did not go to sleep until I was calm and trusting the Lord.
In that time I grabbed my Ukulele and started playing worship songs. These helped immensely and then I had some of my friends send me good bible verses that I could read out loud. I stated playing the tune of this one worship son but I started to put in my own lyrics. I have never written a song before and I am not musically talented in any way so I am very surprised that these words came to my mind. Here is how it went.
Anxi – ety
It tears – at me
I need stress – relief
Grace and mercy
God set my anxious heart free
Shield me from the enemy. (Psalm 25:20)
Fill my head with truth and thought of you
My enemy
Will not triumph over me.
His thoughts – of me
Are like sand – in the sea. (Psalm 139)
And I can’t – believe
He thinks – of me
For he has not ignored me
The cry of the the needy. (Psalm 22:24)
he’s a God of peace and truth
My enemy
will not triumph over me
And though Satan may seek to destroy me
He will not succeed for Christ is the king
His blood brought me victory
He bled and died for me
God I lay down my life for your cause.
My enemy
will not triumph over me.
If you would like to see my singing it it is on my insta gram @jesse_srader or it is on Youtube by typing stress relief – jesse srader
