Okay, let me start out by saying: I have not done a “quiet time” or spent time with Jesus in a hot sec. For some reason, it has been really hard for me to get into a routine at CGA. I normally am one to get up early, have a cup of coffee and get straight into my bible or journal; while I have done that a few times here, it hasn’t felt the same as it used to.
I had a devotional time rhythm on the race; and it was pretty much what I said above. I would get up early, before everyone else, make some coffee, find a quiet place to sit and journal with the Lord, maybe listen to some worship music, and read the bible. It felt good. I was close to the Lord, and interacted with Him daily that way; but something has changed this season.
The topics we talk about in class at CGA are preeeeetty heavy stuff. They are amazing lessons, but it’s a lot to take in emotionally, mentally and especially spiritually. Topics on family, insecurity, body image, God’s heart as a father, God’s aspects as a mother, and ohh so many more. So, when my usual system for spending time with the Lord wasn’t “working” I was frustrated.
I felt like I couldn’t process how I normally would.
I felt like I was separated or far from the Lord, like I couldn’t connect with Him.
I couldn’t see the fruit when I didn’t know how to sow seeds.
In my CGA house, I have two awesome house mentors: Abby and Erika. Since there are 6 girls in my house, Abby and Erika each have 3 of us in little “connect groups.” They are pretty much what they sound like: space to connect closely with one another, talk about what we are experiencing/what the Lord is teaching us, or just a place to hang out and be comfortable.I am in Abby’s group.
It was a Wednesday afternoon when we were having our connect time, and we decided to do it in this creek right in our backyard (thanks God). I brought up how it had been hard for me to connect with God recently, and I just had been a little lost. Abby then said something so simple, something I have heard before, but for some reason it just really hit this time, “Quiet time doesn’t always have to be sitting down, reading your bible.” Huh. What a concept haha.
As the week went on and i started to think about it more, I realized, I had become a little legalistic. I had found a good routine on the race, and back at home, of getting up early and reading my bible and journaling. I felt close to God early in the morning, and I just had a system. That’s a beautiful thing! Systems, routines, and discipline can be so good and so fruitful, but what I didn’t realize in doing so was that I had limited my quiet time to that alone. I put God in the box of my routine. I found how I spoke to God best, and followed that (again, that is so so good!) but I didn’t realize God wanted to speak to me in a different way this season.
Ever since my connect group last week, I just felt like I needed to go back to the creek. I just felt so much peace there, and I just felt that I needed to go back. So finally, today (Tuesday), I did. I knew I was going to talk with God, but I felt like I shouldn’t bring my bible or journal like I normally would.
So, I went down to the creek.
When I went down there, I just sat on a rock and admired the view. I mean, take a look; it’s pretty stunning. (the coffee was pretty great too)
Then, I just started thinking and asking God how He wanted to hang out. And he said just that, “Let’s just hang out.” Oooookayyyy, like how? Just sit here? So I did that for a while. I just sat and listened, and started thanking Him for His creation. Then, I started thinking about what it was like to hang out with Jesus, as a real friend.
I imagined Him sitting in front of me, on another rock in the creek, just being there with me. I then got up and started jumping from rock to rock, and I imagined Jesus doing the same next to me. When I would slip and laugh at myself, He would laugh along with me. When I closed my eyes and just stood in the sun, he would just look at me with kind eyes and do the same. Just quality time with my friend, Jesus.
I then went back to the big rock I was sitting on before and plopped down, again imagining Jesus sitting right in front of me, and just started having a conversation. I actually imagined His face, which for some reason I was so hesitant to do for so long.
Any time I would try and imagine Jesus, or God the father, or the Holy Spirit, I would quickly shut myself down. Why? For some reason in my brain, I wasn’t allowed to imagine them. “Well it’s God so I don’t know what He looks like so why try?” “Well there are a bunch of paintings of Jesus but they don’t know what He looked like so I can’t trust those, I just won’t imagine it.” But, this afternoon, I did.
I realized Jesus’ humanity.
He had a face, He actually looked like something; like someone. He wasn’t just a floating blob of light, or some perfect looking guy in a white robe, He had depth.
I imagine Jesus with the kindest eyes. Eyes that you instantly trust. Ones that will seek to look deeper inside you, and only see beauty. I imagine His hands being calloused, being the son of a carpenter; hands that are rough, but gentle. He has a smile that beams with pride at me. He’s proud of His friend, and He laughs along with me when I do something silly. He was and is so real. He was physical, so why not imagine Him as my physical friend?
So, I hung out with my friend Jesus today. We talked about His creation, His love for me. We sat on rocks and dipped our feet in the cool creek. We laughed together as I slipped and fell butt first into the water, and enjoyed time to just be together.
There is no pressure, box, or mold to put time with our creator in. He truly just wants us. Whether that is reading His story, journaling, art, watching a movie together, sitting and talking in a creek, or anything. Invite Him in. Ask Him to show you what time can look like together. Life with Jesus is wildly lovely. There are quiet moments, beautiful stillness, there are moments where all you can do is yell and throw a fit, there are times where you just want to laugh and He will laugh along with you. Don’t put your devotional time in a box, and don’t restrict it to one hour a day. Invite Him in all aspects of your day. Cook dinner together, ask Him to show you things throughout the day; literally He just wants time with you.
Jesus, the Son of the living God, the one who gave it all for me, is my friend; and we hung out today. He wants to hang out with you too.
also, definitely wasn’t kidding when I said I fell in the creek.
some worship music I’ve been listening in GA:
You Saved Me by Ryan Ellis
Highs & Lows by Hillsong Young & Free
Grace by John Mark Pantana
