How often do we ask for Jesus to refine us, for Him to shape us, make us look more like Him, but when challenges arise, back down? We retreat. We leave the front lines of battle, though covered with the armor of God and the blood of the Lamb, and say “I’m not ready for this fight.” Seriously though. We listen to a good sermon, maybe church had a good worship set list, and you feel fired up for Christ. You leave church, go home, and deal with a reality there you didn’t have when you were at church surrounded by close friends and believers. Maybe home isn’t your battle field, maybe it’s the workplace, or school, or relationships. But oftentimes after the Holy Spirit moves within us, empowers us, fuels us, that’s when we find ourselves in a battle; that’s when the devil uses an old trick called doubt.
The devil has no new tricks. The first lie he ever told led to the first sin of Adam and Eve, “did God reaaalllyyy say not to eat the fruit?” How many times have you heard in your head “Did God reaaalllyyy say *fill in the blank*?” Because I could probably tell you a handful from the past week. The more we are prepared for battle, the more we become scripturally grounded, activate in the spirit, become intercession warriors, the more fearful the devil becomes. That is why whenever we feel boosted up for Jesus, a battle is quick to follow. Because as soon as you put on armor, the devil is going to try to take you down. He’s going to throw doubt at you, make you think God didn’t actually redeem you, or give you the authority to cast out anxiety in Jesus’ name. Or maybe he’ll try and throw comparison into the mix, stealing your joy.
When we ask for refinement, we are asking God to suit us up.
Ephesians 6 says, “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”
We are fully suited, ready to go, armies of angels at our sides, and unfortunately, we back up because of doubt.
One of my favorite things about God is that He, and the way His kingdom works, is totally backwards. Let me elaborate: we get prepared to fight. We pray and wrestle and have to choose to trust God, but there is so much more. Once we’re ready to fight, then Jesus says “be still.” Like, what? I’m ready God, I’m suited up and ready. He says, “I know. But I want you to be still. I got this one.” Exodus 14:14 says, “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” And honestly for me, that’s where I fight the most.
One of the hardest lessons for me to learn is to be still with God; to be still in general. I’m kind of a busy body, and I’m always moving and doing something and trying to work towards a goal. But Jesus always gives me a little whisper “hey. be still.” That’s where my fight lies. Jesus will fight for me, He will extinguish flaming arrows of the devils lies against me, He will set my feet on steady ground when anxiety surrounds me, but I have to choose Him. I can easily just choose to let go and let the lies wash on me. I can easily just let myself slip into apathy, and temptation, and choose to not read my bible; and the easy route is familiar. But no. That’s not refinement. Seven months ago I chose to lead a life with Jesus with people I didn’t know, in a country I didn’t know, and frankly with a Holy Spirit I barely knew the power of. That (what was going to be) 9 month commitment turned life long as soon as I found Jesus’ real character. So I fight, because God has shown me my worth. So I fight, because I know He makes beauty from ashes. So I fight, because no matter what I feel, He is consistent. So I fight, because I am living on this side of eternity and no matter what happens, I have a promise from the King of Kings that I am redeemed. So I fight, because people don’t know the freedom my Jesus brings, and they need to. I don’t just fight for me, I fight for my brothers and sisters. I fight for those who don’t have a voice. I fight through intercession, wrestling in prayer. I fight because He says they are worth it, like He has called me worth it, so they are worth it to me.
Refinement is not easy, it is far from it. But Jesus never said walking with Him was going to be easy; but He did promise peace. The past 7 months Jesus has been equipping me, shaping me, loving me, and making me look more like Jesus. He knew my race was going to be cut short. He knew I was not going to be able to say goodbye to people who I have given parts of my heart to. He knew all of this. But He has placed me in a new battlefield. Back to the United States. A place full of fear and uncertainty, where people are lost and confused and are hurting. A place that needs His presence. I have committed my life to be His mouthpiece, and if He chooses the audience to be the USA, then Father thy will be done.
This may sound all good and brave, but honestly it hurts. I loved being on the race. I loved my community, my ministry, and being able to live in a different country. When I found out we had to go back to the states, I was crushed. I came back to California and I honestly didn’t talk to God for a week. I was kind of pissed. I was angry and confused, and I felt like I didn’t have enough emotional strength to wrestle it out with Him. Him, being the kindest man I know, waited for me. He waited until I was more settled, at least physically. He waited until I felt ready. And He is gently leading me through. I don’t want this to sound like I’m 100% there, if there is a “there” to be at. I am still having to choose to ask God hard questions, to wrestle and actually listen to what He says. But I asked to be refined, and that means I will continually be humbled, taught, and met by Abba. Refinement isn’t easy, or comfortable, but man oh man is He worth it.
I actually wrote this blog more than a week ago, but I realized that I actually needed to learn this lesson for myself. I’ve been wrestling with God and taking more time with Him, and I’ll tell you it is worth the fight. It’s worth the awkwardness or discomfort, it’s worth putting down your phone to meet with Jesus. Make time for Him, He will satisfy you like nothing else can. I promise you.
If you want to read more about God equipping people to fight, then Him literally fighting the battle, read Judges 7.
Another one of my favorite verses that pertains to this subject:
“My heart says of you, “Seek His face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek.” Psalm 27:8
Some worship I’ve been listening to:
Refiner by Maverick City Music (this song actually started the thinking process of this blog)
Palm of your Hand by Harvest
Real Thing by Maverick City Music
Not in a Hurry by Will Reagan & United Pursuit
Oh Lord You’re Good by Ryan Ellis
