Over and over in the Bible, it speaks of God’s love for us
(1 John 3:1, 1 John 4:16, Galatians 2:20, John 3:16, Jeremiah 31:3, Romans 5:8, and Zephaniah 3:17 to name a few)
So, why do bad things happen?
Who do people pass away, and hurt, and experience loss?
I’m going to give you my short answer, I don’t know.
And I don’t think any of us will know for sure until we can ask God face to face.
But I will tell you one thing I do know, God is the King of comfort. He is the only one who can give true, deep, unwavering, and lasting peace. I got to be reminded of this strongly this week.
One year ago yesterday (November 7, 2018), tragedy hit my home town of Thousand Oaks, California. There was a shooting 1.5 miles from my house at a bar and grill called Borderline. I have a dear friend from church, Noel Sparks, who would often go to Borderline because they would have college line dancing on Wednesday nights. She loved to dance. She actively volunteered at my church. Leading a middle school girls small group, singing in choir, and volunteering for children’s ministry were a few of the beautifully selfless things she did on the regular. When I heard about the news, my first thought went to her.
Unfortunately, I found out later that she had passed away.
I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t know how to feel. I felt full of emotion, yet also numb. I just wanted to know where God was.
Where was He in this? What is going on that I don’t see?
Which is hard to ask when the transparency/clarity is about at the level of milk.
Life got very busy. A large wildfire started the next day that flung life into high gear. I felt I didn’t have time to process; told myself I didn’t know how or didn’t need to. I had to make sure my friends were okay, my family and my house; support those who had it worse. Through this, I passed off my feelings of hurt. I felt like I moved on so fast, that I felt guilt; but also that I needed to hold on because I didn’t know how to take the next step.
Through all this though, God still was patient with me throughout my dismissal of feelings. He still chose to show up for me.
The city of Thousand Oaks isn’t huge, but it isn’t tiny. The week of the Borderline shooting, I have never seen that much unity displayed in my hometown ever before. People I hadn’t talked to in years, and who I was barely friends with, reached out a hand. Asked me if I needed anything. Told me they were there. Dozens of people gathered and made beautiful art pieces and placed them at the memorial; even selflessly anonymously. My small group girls and leader, were constantly checking up on each other; sending verses and encouragement throughout the many hard days that followed.
How do I know this is God?
“Every good and perfect gift is from above,” (James? ?1:17)
so even if people aren’t walking with the Lord, He still reins kindness and goodness, which means those things are Him in action, too.
Friendships build on deep roots in Christ help give support throughout struggle, for we have an eternal hope as an anchor (Hebrews 6:19).
God allowed me take time to not process the tragedy, not because He didn’t want me healed, He always wants to heal us if we let Him, but because He knows I would have probably been overwhelmed. One of His characteristics is overflowing patience (Psalm 103:8).
This year, God brought it up in me & explained (through the help of others) that when I don’t want to do something, I tell myself I don’t know how to do it. I say “I don’t know how to process, or take care of myself, or love myself” etc. just so I won’t have to. When He showed me this, I felt pretty ashamed. I felt like a bandaid had been ripped off and exposed all the things I never dealt with.
That’s another great characteristic of God. He is gentle, and He wants to heal them; He wants you to feel whole (Jeremiah 33:6)
As soon as you give Him permission to work in the dark, hidden away, parts of your heart, He will begin to heal them.. And yeah, healing can hurt. But you can’t get healed unless you take out the infection.
When I woke up this morning, one of my first thoughts was the realization of the 1 year anniversary of the heartbreak was today. Knowing that, I knew the enemy would be working in my mind to get me distracted today. And I thought “Why wouldn’t he? This is an easy target to hit.” When I went into devotions this morning, our devotional book said to write a letter to God. To “pour out your heart to Him.” So I said “okay.”
“Hi God.
Today’s the day. One year. I still don’t fully understand. But I know last year you held me through, so I know you’ll do it again. I know part of me wants hurt for sympathy, but also a part of me is hurt. I miss Noel. I know she’s beyond good though. I bet she’s on the front lines of worship to you. Dancing and singing, praising you. She was so precious. Father please give comfort to those who need it today; her small group, her parents, her friend, co-workers and bosses. You hold us now, and forever. Please show up. I love you Papa. And again, I will trust you and lean in. – Jenay”
Listening prayer is where you intentionally quiet yourself and write down your thoughts & wait for the Holy Spirit to speak. It allows you to get rid of distractions and just focus on the what the Lord is speaking. Trust me, He always is, we just aren’t always listening. I will tell you, what Jesus wrote back b l e w me away.
“Jenay,
Why do you weep? Don’t you know I take care of those that love me?”
LIKE WOWOWOWOW.
“Noel is loved by me so deeply, and she is right where she is supposed to be. Don’t seek affirmation for your feelings; rest knowing that they are valid. You must grief to experience the fullness of joy. You must ask questions and ask for help to receive answers and assistance. She is home, Jenay. And you will see her again soon. Trust me still.
Love, Papa”
Wow. If you ask me why I believe God is the greatest comforter, I will tell you this testimony over and over again. HE KNOWS when we hurt, why we hurt, and always comes to our rescue. I don’t know why awful things happen in the first place, but I do know that my God is one that chooses to be close to the broken-hearted. That He saves those who’s spirits are crushed so that He can bind them with love (Psalm 34:18). That if we choose into the hard, gut turning things of life and not just sweep them under the rug, but choose to follow God through them, He will ALWAYS show up. And ALWAYS comfort. And ALWAYS be there if you look. He’s good like that.
I hold on confidently to the fact that I will see Noel again. She is currently praising our King Jesus face-to-face, and one day I’ll join her. Impatience doesn’t exist in Heaven, so I know she’s good with waiting, so I’m just the one who has to patient 🙂
If you don’t know this Jesus, I encourage you to start looking into Him. The one and only Jesus Christ is at the center of it all, that I know for sure. He is a promise maker and keeper, a comforter and never an abandoner, a patient carer and light weight, will always accept and never cast away, and most of all: is true, true, love. I hope you find rest and peace in this truth of God, if you can relate to this (or if you don’t for that matter). No matter the circumstance, know that there is a God who is watching and that He deeply cares for you and your heart. He loves you, and loves you, and loves you, because that is just what He does.
I’ll see you in a blink, dear friend!
“Problems are invitations. They allow us to have encounters and experiences that enable us to discover who God is for us.” ~ Graham Cooke
Verses:
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
– Psalms? ?27:13-14?
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans? ?8:37-39? ?
Worship song:
Worn – Tenth Avenue North
Praise Before My Breakthrough – Bryan & Katie Torwalt
