The Blog I Didn’t Want To Write: Here’s What Happened
It’s 3/16/20 and I’m on a plane home. This was supposed to be an 11 month mislsion trip and it got cut off at 6 months because of the coronavirus. My squad is not the only group going home. Every short term missionary that’s affiliated with Adventures in Missions is being sent home. 600+ AIM missionaries are leaving the field. That’s from one organization. I’m certain there are other organizations sending the troops home so it’s safe to say well over a thousand are coming off the mission field. We found out Friday night we were leaving and to pack our bags because the bus would be there at 8 the next morning to pick us up. We were planning a celebration the next day for officially getting to the halfway mark on our Race. Some of us had a wonderful local lady we call Barbara (because we couldn’t pronounce her Swazi name lol) make us traditional Swazi dresses. We were supposed to go to church with her Sunday and share what the Lord has been doing in us. We didn’t even get to say goodbye. One teammate paid for her dress and couldn’t even pick it up at the shop before leaving. When we left, there hadn’t been any confirmed cases of the virus in Swazi but borders were closing so fast they rushed us out before we got stuck there. They’ve ceased all ministry in Swazi. They closed all the care points. What’s a care point? It’s the place where the kids go to get their ONLY meal that day. They’re trying to figure out another way to get food to people but I haven’t heard any recent news on what they will do.
You could say the rug has been ripped out from under us. My first thought was I feel like we’ve been in rehab to detox from ourselves if that makes sense. It feels like we’re leaving rehab too early and there are some of us that have legitimate fears of reverting back to old habits. It hit me when we were getting all of this news though, God knew the whole time this was going to happen. He’s not surprised at all. What we thought would take God 11 months to do in us, He did it in 6. We DO have the tools to not go back to the same habits we once had. The change God made in us is real. We have everything we need and we’re exactly where He wants us. Wow. In the middle of all the sadness I was overwhelmed by the goodness of God. It’s like He was saying, “You did it Janie. You were afraid you wouldn’t make it emotionally for 11 months but you said yes anyway. You were willing to miss major life events of loved ones. You were willing to do things completely out of your comfort zone with a bunch of strangers. All I wanted was your yes and you gave it.” On top of that, God took away my need for anxiety meds while on the Race. Inspite of all the madness you would think my anxiety levels would be through the roof but it’s not and I’m ok. I’m actually more than ok. I’m the righteous of God in Christ Jesus and I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Who new it would turn out this way? We’ve been dealing with all forms of grief. I’ve been overwhelmed with gratitude for the whole experience but it still hurts. God has actually been teaching me about grieving recently in other areas of my life already and it’s overflowing into this. He’s showing me it’s ok to grieve and trust Him at the same time, be sad but still have joy. I have a lot of tears though. I’ve been fine one minute then crying the next but I still have joy. Wow. What a place to be in.
What’s next? I have no idea. I know I have a job to go back to (praise the Lord) but there’s also talk of going back to the mission field when everything settles down. I have no idea what’s going to happen or when but I pray God’s will for all of it. When looking back, at the present, and to the future I can’t help but smile and think of what my friend and squad mate Hannah Kraus would say, “Man… what a life we live”.
