Hearing is one thing, listening and doing is another. I’ve prayed for a long time to hear the Lord’s voice and his guidance. The truth is I’ve heard His voice many times. The Lord has been there the whole time, it was me who lacked confidence in our relationship. Now that I think back, I cannot tell you how many times I have successfully talked myself out of believing it was anything other than my own thoughts. I also struggled with comparisons in this department. I believed that people who heard words of guidance from the Lord were way farther along in their walk than me. I had basically decided to let others do the hard work while I just followed. Then I realized that the only difference between me and them was that they were doers. They heard what was good, but instead of doubting like myself, they took initiative and walked were the voice lead.
Sabrina (one of the ministry partners here in Guatemala) gave a talk on hearing God’s voice. She said that God’s voice is pure love and that confusion is not of Him. She said that when we are struggling with voices we can ask clarifying questions like “Is it self-seeking or is it going to benefiting others?” and “Is the voice calling me or others higher and closer to God?”
After Sabrina’s talk, another one of our ministry partners, Aderkee, came up to speak. He said it’s easy to listen to these words but putting them into action is a whole different thing. And then he says, “I need someone to come up right now and listen to God’s voice with me.” The room was silent. Worse, I felt that nudge that it was me that was going up there. He asked again and finally, after I could feel the tension in my chest, I raised my hand and walked to the front. He asked my name and explained that we were both going to ask God for a word or some encouragement for the other person. Also we were only going to take 30 seconds to do this. He said that God didn’t need time to tell me what he wanted me to hear. It’s often us who take up the most time with our doubt and fear. Before I could flip out about the time limit and even start to pray, I had a very clear thought come into my mind that said, “Peace for his mother.” Even though I heard it, I still took the whole 30 seconds asking God for something he had already given me. When I came up with nothing else, I decided to just tell him and hope for the best. When I told him, I knew it meant something to him. He said wow and kind of took a moment to gather his words and then said that his mom and dad had been going through a lot with their relationship. I was convicted in that moment for doubting my whole life that the voice I had just heard was my own thoughts. I felt so connected to God and so much confidence in myself. Not that it was by my doing, but to finally know what this experience was like was renewing. And then Aderkee told me his words for me.
He asked “Do you have a dog?”
“Yeah!” I said, already having tears in my eyes because I could feel the sincerity in his voice. Also if you know me, you know how much Koda bear means to me and how much I must miss her.
“I had this image of you in a garden with grass under your feet and a dog running into your arms.” he said. “That joy and love that I saw you had in that moment is the kind of joy the Lord is going to show you here in Guatemala.”
OVERWHELMED and AMAZED. One of my biggest prayers is for joy wherever I go and whatever I go through. It’s so hard to not let this world drag me down and I received God’s promise in that moment. As he spoke, it was so vivid. I saw my home and all he described. For God to use Koda as a way to speak into my soul means so much to me. He really loves us and knows us so well. Suddenly all this talk about miracles and faith and hearing God’s voice clicked. These weren’t just meaningless words. THEY WERE FOR ME. I am full of the Holy Spirit to use it and there is no reason to doubt anymore. When you decide to take a step, God shows up.
