“How was your trip?”
I knew this question would come up when I got home. “Good!” Is always my response. And it’s true, but it is so much more. Hard to explain it all during friendly neighborhood small talk. And that’s okay. This question makes me feel like I just got back from a two week mission trip. It doesn’t help that I picked up right where I left off, everything was so normal as I took bike rides around the neighborhood and saw familiar faces. It felt like I never left. It felt like I hadn’t changed. It all seemed to be that “summer camp high” or “jesus high” that I grew up with over the years.
But it’s not.
I got a taste of my journey of refinement. I got baptized in fire and water. I got thrown into the fire for the first time, and I haven’t left it. And I am never going back simply because it’s impossible.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here! – 2 Cor. 5v17
It’s hard to wrap my mind around this. But maybe I don’t have to just yet because I am not done. God is not done.
My pastor Mike Whang (shoutout!!) asked me what my biggest takeaways from the race are, and here’s what I said (and then some):
- Dependency on God is everything. Nothing else matters.
- Intimacy with Jesus can go as deep as you want as long as you stay hungry for more.
- Friendship with Holy Spirit is what truly sustains us daily.
- Church is what we are made for and what I am called to live out all the days of my life.
- Church is not supposed to be easy. Community is not easy. But it is worth it.
- Life with God is living FROM rest, not FOR rest.
- Ministry never stops. You can love people anywhere at anytime.
- God loves us beyond anything we can fully comprehend. We get to rest in the fact that He loves us and that will always be enough.
- God can do so much in us if we give Him our YES and we are willing to grow.
- The goal of life and of prayer is to grow closer to God. We have to surrender our expectations and submit to God’s will for our lives.
I feel like there’s more, but those are pretty freaking important. The race ended, but those things never end.
As for transition…
It’s been wild and weird. Especially now with you know what. I had this image of what my reunion would look like with my family, friends, and church. And it’s been far from what I expected. Not gonna lie, its been extremely disappointing and heart breaking! I have accepted that I am in a season of grieving and acclimating. A season in between. In between journeys, in between adulthood and wanting to be a teenager. In between world race life and pandemic life.
I constantly have to take a breather and remind myself I am nineteen years old and don’t have to have all the answers. God doesn’t promise us answers all the time, but he promises us grace and peace.
I find myself longing for the super early and quiet mornings in Africa. But now I get to have all day- endless time with the Father each day (when I choose into it). It’s okay that intimacy looks different than it did on the race. It’s okay that I am mad at the world right now.
I hear His whisper… “You’re okay. Take heart, Hannah girl.”
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – 1 John 4v18-19
So I breathe.
So I live.
So I am joyful.
Peace and blessings,
Hannah Keller
