This has been my prayer, that I have joy in obedience, since September 19.
I started praying this when I lacked vision and joy in my ministry because I did lack joy and vision. Month one was a hard month if we are having an honest dialogue. I struggled to see that anything which my team did, actually made an impact — kingdom or earthly. I think in some ways I was expecting my daily life to be filled with conversations about Jesus or at least more relationship based ministry to take place. But the truth is, I am currently living in a country where I cannot understand the words they speak and honestly they all sounds pretty much the same to me. I felt like I was missing out on opportunities for evangelism and relationships so I downloaded an app to teach me Thai. After studying and living in this culture I can successfully say “hello, how are you?, thank you, no, and good”… and that, my friends, is what I call progress.
So instead of the past two months being full of relational ministry and evangelism, It’s looked like showing up consistently, joy, and a bunch of sweat. The first month, I was not the forerunner for joy. My teammates, Alyson and Taylor were. God gave them a heart posture and vision to lead our team through the awkwardness and literal dirt. They are the type of people who, when shoveling the 8th load of dirt- start cracking up at this ridiculous story they just thought of, and share it with you to make you laugh and give your mind something sweet to think about. They are the type of people who have a yes in their spirit – both for whatever gets thrown at us during ministry, and for seeing each team member where they are at and loving them through it. It was so pivotal to me that their joy was constant.
(I wrote that beginning when we were still living and serving in Thailand. I meant to finish this blog before we left, but God is still moving even in a whole new country and He is so worthy of boasting on his goodness. Also I’m writing this now so that I can be reminded of God’s truth and teaching.)
Being in Malaysia this month, our spiritual discipline of focus is silence and solitude. Life looks a little different for us here than it has the past two months. For one thing, our ministry is no longer long days outside doing manual labor. Our ministry here is prayer. We are literally staying at an International House of Prayer here in Penang, so be it a two hour morning session, Friday night burn (8pm-12am) or a seven hour evening session-our time is spent in closeness with the Lord and our community. Coming to the end of our time in Chiang Mai, I was anxiously anticipating a new ministry-one where I could see the fruit of my labor more readily and make deeper connections with people. Now each ministry is different and beautiful in its own right-but stepping into a ministry where we see our bold petitions answered less than we saw the point of sweeping rock, in some ways made me appreciate our sweet Wildflower Home a little bit more. As much as I was anticipating a more relationally active ministry, PenHOP is exactly what God knew I needed.
Here is the thing: I was pumped to have a month of such direct nearness with the Lord, but I wanted to spend my 2-7 hour sessions praying about what I wanted. We however, are asked to pray for specific topics that are pressed on the heart of those at PenHOP. I wasn’t too cracked about that. I had people and things I needed to cover in prayer and get answers to. I was still bummed that most of my day was spent inside and not making deep relationships. But Abba reminded me what he was teaching me back in Thailand; My joy does not come from circumstances or validation from my works. He was teaching me back in Thailand that there is a surplus of joy in simple obedience. I was learning that Joy is something you sprint after – not the just feeling, but the supplier – the Prince of Peace. Obedience is truly a muscle to be worked out. Here in Malaysia, under spiritual/emotional exhaustion, strengthening the muscle of hearing the Lord’s voice and being obedient to it as well as practicing sprints towards Jesus are just as needed as they were in Thailand.
I was reminded of that again today in my devotional, “I have instructed you to give thanks for everything. There is an element of mystery in this transaction: You give Me thanks (regardless of your feelings), and I give you Joy (regardless of your circumstances). This is a spiritual act of obedience-at times, blind obedience. To people who don’t know me intimately, it can seem irrational and even impossible to thank me for heartrending hardships. Nonetheless, those who obey me in this way are invariably blessed, even though difficulties remain. Thankfulness opens your heart to my presence and your mind to my thoughts. You may still be in the same place, with the same set of circumstances, but it is as if a light has been switched on, enabling you to see from my perspective.” -Jesus Calling-Nov 24, Sarah Young (biblical inspiration: Eph. 5:20, John 15:10-11, Pslm. 89:15)
We don’t have to fully understand joy to be able to embrace it regardless of what is happening right in front of you. To pray for joy in obedience is to say, regardless of circumstance, “Lord, I know that your path is well written with intentionality to bring me to places to grow closer to you. You answer prayers even if I can’t see them and you fulfill promises even if I must wait longer than expected. Thank you for your nearness and outpouring endless love. I am in awe of your wonder working power and in love with you. I will find you in whatever place and situation you place ahead of me. Finding you means finding joy.”
Going into this big week (our last week of ministry in Malaysia and celebrating Thanksgiving in an nontraditional way), my focus is to be in a state of thankfulness as constantly as possible. My focus is to be as present as possible where Abba has me and as obedient in what he has for me. My challenge to you all back home: dig deeper into what you are thankful for and in the midst of a hectic season. Be thankful and joyful for even the hard and uncomfortable things. Also another thing I ask: In the spirit of thanksgiving and sprinting towards Joy, let me know the things that you are thankful for!
