We are halfway done with our ministry here in Thailand! The fact we only have 2-3 weeks left here really doesn’t feel possible. It feels like it was just yesterday when we rode up to Agape Home and saw the strong, inspiring people there for the first time. It still feels as if I am new to the sounds of children laughing and babies crying. Although, it also feels like it was just yesterday when I found out I was going to be doing manual labor every day of ministry for the next two months. When I realized this, I am not going to lie, I was slightly worried. I didn’t know if I had the strength to even make a difference or help in a big way. Not to mention I had never sanded a table or painted a house in my life. I felt so inadequate. BUT, I can confidently say, after helping paint an entire clinic and sanding every day for a month, God has shown up in so many ways I never could have previously imagined. It is so evident that God is setting me up for success with this ministry, and He is growing me so much right now.
When I left America, I left with a lot of hurt and bitterness towards some people at home, and the wound got worse even after I arrived in Thailand. I felt so betrayed that I was, in a way, in denial and disbelief. The wound was so deep that I didn’t fully know how to deal with it, and at first I tried to suppress those feelings deep down so I could be the best version of myself at ministry. I then realized that my ministry was manual labor. I thought that with manual labor on top of everything else going on at the time, these two months were going to be extremely hard. But it was quite the opposite. While the work was still strenuous, it was truly a gift from God. He gave me from 9 am to 2:30 pm every day to process, mentally and verbally, everything from that wound to simply leaving home for the first time. Who knew that sanding and painting could be such a great form of counseling?! I had hours and hours to sit and think through everything while I sanded a chair leg or did detail work on the trim of a house, all the while nestled into a peaceful little corner of Chiang Mia overlooking rice fields, palm trees, and mountains.
Also, I have never really evangelized before. It was always kind of a daunting task for me. God knew this, and before throwing me into evangelism ministry or preaching, He gave me what he knew I could handle and taught me a valuable lesson. He taught me through this ministry that I can show others His love and glorify Him even through everyday tasks. It can be as simple as working and helping someone for nothing in return, or loving others in a way that is only possible because He first loved me. Our whole lives are the mission field, and we can glorify Him through more than just words.
Lastly, God painted a beautiful picture about our ministry through my teammate Hanna. Every day we work from the morning until about 2:30 pm and then we get to play with the children at the orphanage. All day long my teammates and I are itching to get to see those kids. We love them so much, even though they didn’t do anything to make us feel that way. One day, Hanna came to the realization that that is how God sees us. We didn’t earn it, and we didn’t do anything to deserve it, but He loves us so much. And it makes me think, if I as a human love these kids so much when they didn’t do anything to deserve it, how much does God, the perfect creator of the universe, love me? It was so eye-opening for me.
If you made it this far you probably know by now how much I appreciate Agape Home. The work has taught me perseverance, and shown me that being selfless even when it is hard is a much better alternative to living for myself. It has allowed me to give God more room to start the healing process of past wounds. Not to mention, I have bonded with my team more than ever before while working. I have had some of the best conversations I have had in a very long time, and I am so thankful for that, because they may not have happened if we didn’t have to work. Even the workers at Agape Home are living proof to me that it is entirely possible to live in God’s everlasting peace and joy no matter what the circumstances. Agape Home (and manual labor) has impacted me so much already, and we only just finished month one!
