I’m typing this from our ferry. I’m looking back towards Ometepe as we head towards the mainland of Nicaragua. Trying to sum up this last month in one blog would be impossible. Each moment of each day played an integral part in my take always for this month. With each moment the Father revealed something new to me. My thoughts are jumbled as I want to share every moment and every lesson. I typed out all my thoughts in one long paragraph, and I realized that very few sentences actually made sense together. So, in hopes that you can better understand my heart, and in hopes that something the Lord has been teaching me resonates with you, I am going to share a list of the top 3 things the Lord has been teaching me.
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As I have held tightly to the sweet children living at CICRIN this month, I remember that my father holds me the same way. My willingness to hold them tightly for as long as they will let me can only half way represent the way He holds me. When the kids would release from my embrace, I am forced to let go. However, with the Lord, no matter how many times I let go, he never stops holding on. He’s holding me always. He is here. He’s always been here. I’m the moments when He has felt the furthest, He was surrounding me and making Himself victorious in each moment, and He is still doing that now. He is victorious in every step of my life. He is present in the trial and the triumph regardless of my finite acknowledgment of Him.
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Even as He hung on a cross, The Lord loved me, my mess and all. He saw all of the ways that I would fail Him and all the ways that I would need His grace, but still chose the cross. That’s a big kind of love. Thats a love greater than my human brain can understand. That is a love that motivates. Everything I do in my life is from a place of overflow. Something is always pouring out of me, whether it be anger, joy, sadness, or kindness. When I fully receive and am fully aware of the love of God, I get to overflow His love. I am called to love others from this place—the place where the Lord loves me and I reflect His love in the way that I love His people. His love is all encompassing. It changes everything. It changed me and it continues to change each step and each day. When we encounter this love, our lives change radically.
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The love that my Father has for me is more than enough. It alone can sustain me, and I can love myself, because of this love. The world does not have to love me. The Lord’s love for me is not dependent on if other people love me. His love is not conditional of my ability to love myself. This is something I am completely relearning. It is a fact that I know to be true, but I’m learning to know it in my heart rather than just my head. Psalm 139:17 – “How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered.” That alone is more than enough for me.
These are things that I am just scratching the surface of learning, but I know the Lord is going to continue revealing more about each thing to me in this season. We are taking these graces from head knowledge to heart knowledge and I am pumped to know Him better through the process. I cannot wait to see all that our next two months in Costa Rica have in store. I know the Lord is already present in each thing that we encounter, and I am honored that He allows me to share in on this journey.
I made a video a video to share some of the heart of the last month with you! Click the link below to check it out!
https://youtu.be/Oxb26rmnfF8
