Season after season,
you have learned to find hope
in the little things
even without the closure
your heart was longing for.
– Morgan Harper Nichols
Closure. It’s something my heart hoped for & needed before heading off overseas for a year. It’s also something which has been hindered in my life recently.
What is closure? Personally, I define closure as honoring a transition through the bringing about of resolution. It’s rooted in honoring another & is rooted in humility, recognising the season of closing a door, transitioning into something new. Closure is important. & when done in a way of honor, often brings about a harvest you never thought possible. Yet, closure in today’s society is often dismissed. It’s seen as something that is too hard, & many people instead run from actually navigating through the process & journey of pursuing closure.
Closure helps us transition well. Closure helps us wrap things up in a healthy way. Closure helps bring perspective & helps bring a ‘seeking to understand’ viewpoint to where another is coming from. & when you don’t find closure, you’re left with uncertainty. You have questions. You don’t feel seen. & unworthiness tries to sneak in. At least in my case, that’s what happened.
However, I am learning that despite the hindrance of closure, you have two options. You can dwell in the hurt & rejection you may feel. Or, you can choose to keep pressing further & deeper into Abba’s heart, seeking to learn & adopt a Kingdom perspective. In other words, from the wise words of Rafiki from the Lion King, you can either run from hurt or learn from it.
Which option did I choose? The latter. Why? Because seasons of ‘hurt & pain’ foresee an opportunity where intimacy with Abba has the capacity to bloom; to delve so much deeper into the Father’s heart, His Kingdom, & His nature, bringing transformation to one’s character. Despite the process & journey sometimes physically looking like your gritting your teeth, it’s actually a beautiful thing when you flip your perspective around to see the opportunity Abba is providing for intimacy with Him. Don’t get me wrong, Abba doesn’t bring the ‘earthquake’ or the heartache (s/o to the song Faultlines I by kalley), but He often heals it through a shift of perspective- a shift of locking your gaze on Him & His Kingdom.
Despite facing the reality that closure was hindered, Holy Spirit spoke to my heart after I received a message from someone closing the door to closure. Perhaps I’m not receiving the closure I hoped for, not receiving the resolution I hoped for, not receiving the shalom (restoring the fullness of wholeness of a situation) my heart needed before I head off for a year of overseas missions. But, maybe the reality of hindered closure is actually Abba protecting my heart?
Instead of receiving the closure my heart needed, is Abba actually protecting my heart from greater hurt that may occur if a conversation of closure were to be had? Perspective y’all.
Reflecting on ‘hindered closure’ for current situations in my life, I’ve started to wonder if it was really hindered? Is it just Abba protecting my heart? Will closure come later as I continue to immerse myself into a journey of continued discovery into Abba’s heart? Because ultimately, it’s not in Abba’s nature to withhold things from us.
I’ve also wondered if this was evident Biblically at all. Perhaps the reality of finding closure through embarking on a journey was the reality for Jesus’ disciples? Perhaps the reality of finding closure through a journey was the reality for Abraham, & David, & Joseph, & perhaps even Jesus?
Perhaps when in Luke 24:13-35, when two of Jesus’ disciples walked the road to Emmaus, the journey of externally processing how they felt about Jesus’ death to Jesus, (without even recognising they were speaking to Jesus who was resurrected at the time), was a journey of closure? Perhaps it was the journey of externally processing & choosing to be vulnerable with Jesus that bought about a journey of intimacy with Abba, ultimately resolving in closure when their eyes were opened to the realisation that they were speaking to Jesus? Perhaps many of David’s psalms, the creative undoing expression of David’s heart, were actually a way David sought & found closure through intimacy with Abba throughout the various circumstances he faced- but it was ultimately through a journey of intimacy?
Perhaps during the hours pre-Jesus’ crucifixion from when Jesus was initially seized, to being tortured, to the hours when Jesus was hanging on the cross, were Jesus’ main twelve disciples navigating the hindrance of closure? & what was the journey like in the three days before Jesus defeated death & was resurrected? Was a journey of intimacy with Abba had through prayer? & if so, did it gain closure for the disciples?
I don’t know. I’m still exploring this, but it has made me curious. Perhaps we sometimes don’t receive closure in the way we want because Abba knows that greater harvest will actually come through embarking on a deeper journey of intimacy with Him, bringing closure to our hearts.
I don’t have all the answers, & I never will. & I’m okay with that. Honestly, it’s better that way lol. It means I have the opportunity to continuously explore with wonder aspects of the Kingdom & the wild beautiful garden of Abba’s heart.
But, part of me is still filled with questions about how Abba will bring the fulfilment of closure to my heart for specific relationships since this has been hindered. Part of me has discernment about how this ‘hindered closure’ will come to pass with greater fruit produced through it for my heart. But, I ultimately rest in knowing it’s a journey of trust. It’s a journey of intimacy with Abba. It’s a journey of surrendering to the One who delights in the sacrifice of my heart, who doesn’t despise my tenderness or humility, & who Himself is the defender & protecting wall around my heart (Psalm 51:17-18, tpt).
– em
UPDATE!
I am just over 67% funded (US$12,875) for next year! I only have US$6325 left to fundraise!! So blessed & thankful to everyone who has supported, both financially & non-financially.
Points for those journeying w me in prayer!
: REST before I leave Aus for a year in 9 days
: prayer for non-delayed flights to the US in Jan & to not get sick on the way to the US (because that happened on the way to the US in Oct & it was the worst)
: prayer for my team mates, squad family, & leadership team for next year
: prayer for open hearts, intentional conversations, & relationships to sprout now, during launch, & for those we will be building relationships within our first country, Indonesia
