Hey guys! Hope you are all doing well! Just finished up school which is sooo nice but to be honest, lately there have been days where I feel like I am barely making it. It has just been a very difficult past 6 months. But the thing is, even when I sit in my little apartment feeling heavy and tired, I know that in all of the most important ways, there is victory coming, even when there are times where I can’t see it just yet. I am reminded that, yes, I am striving to be more like Jesus. Jesus is everything. Period. But there is also so much grace here, in the now. There is no striving in his love. He is always there, just waiting for me to come. His love is not conditional on my performance, nor do I earn anything. (thank goodness) The best I could ever earn is literally death. He gives to me freely! I am able to just rest in him, and be exactly who I am right now in this very moment, whatever that looks like. When I feel like I have given all that I have, he is there filling me up again. When life gets crazy and I draw up into myself, he is there and he gets it. He helps me make sense of it all, and that is all I need. In the spirit of finals, it is like my own little learning curve with me and God. I give him all I have, which is literally nothing, and he still gives me a proud smile and a hug! Like woah there, I do not deserve that. *big exhale* But wow, thank you, Jesus! You made a way! All that you require of me is that I just come to you and that is it. There is so much freedom in that!! There is this song called “Yes Lord” (everybody go listen- it’s by Antioch Music and it rocks). It is basically about saying yes to God (lol of course) over and over again because it is always worth it- He is always worth it. There is power and freedom and so much emotion in the “yes”. He has been teaching me that even when the “yes” feels like sacrifice upon sacrifice, it is worth it. It is the joy and the honor and the purpose of my life to keep saying yes to him, even if I never see a material reward here on earth. He sees and he knows.
Last Sunday, Revelation 7 was brought up at church. It says in verses 9-12 “After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out in a loud voice, ‘Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!’” I have been reading those verses each morning, and it turns out that in this moment in my life, I can’t seem to read them and not cry, partly out of longing and also from the inner parts of my soul that I’m not sure how to explain. I can’t wait for that day. I read those verses about every tribe and tongue, every single one being represented in God’s throne room, and I ask him “God, please let me be apart of that, whatever it looks like.” Right now, it is where I am. In two weeks, it will be at a summer camp with a bunch of kiddos, and then in September it will be in Asia. I can’t wait. It’s going to be real real sweet.
BIG NEWS THOUGH: I AM FULLY FUNDED. PRAISE JESUS. Thank you!!!!! Thank you to everyone who gave!!!!! It is such a gift! I am sooo grateful and just feel so loved by you all, and by God. He is sooo kind!!!! I can’t think about it too much without bursting into tears. The end of that passage in Revelation 7 says “And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying, ‘Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen.” That is just it, blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might to you God! Forever and ever!!
So with that, guys, spend some time with Jesus today, even if you feel like you have nothing to give. All you have to do is show up because he has already done all of the work. Have a great day everyone! 🙂 Please continue praying for me! As I will also be praying for you. Talk to you again soon!
Emily
