A very wise lady once told me ” you have high standards when it comes to what you allow people to see”. As the months on the race have come and gone I’ve had to examine myself for being prideful time and time again. I struggle with letting people in and allowing them to see the parts of me that aren’t wrapped up with a shiny bow. A lot of you are probably wondering why the HECK is this girl blowing up my email with 15 different blogs??? The truth is I wrote most of these blogs months ago but was always to scared to post them. If I posted them then people would see the ugly parts of me, the broken, the times I hurt people, where I failed, and when I lacked faith. How could I post all of that ugly and still know that people were going to love me anyways? To post my blogs which contain some of my deepest feelings would be letting go of the tightly crafted control I’d always maintained over my life. The package I had so carefully crafted would begin to unravel and no glue would ever be able to put it back together.
I’m still here sick to my stomach at the thought of my failures and shortcomings forever etched on the internet. My hands are sweaty and shaking as I type each word out but if these thoughts forever remain in my clutch with my refusal to let go I remain in a bondage of my own doing. Every time I tell God “no,I can’t post that what will people think of me?” I silence my own voice and the devil does a little dance. So here I am letting 7 months of silence out of the box and reclaiming the freedom God has in store for me. So here is all is The Good, The Bad, and all The Ugly.
Prayer: I would continue to chose to use my voice even in the midst of fear, God would reveal himself to me in a new way; continued endurance to finish this race; fundraising
I am still fundraising and need to raise $2800 more dollars by the end of the month in order to stay on the field. Please partner with me in any way the Lord is calling you to do so wether through prayer, finical donation, or fast. If 160 people donate $20 I will reach my next deadline and continue on with my squad to Europe.
