This is SURREAL. I am currently sitting on a plane in Hong Kong after a 14 hour flight (our second of five flights to Thailand). I just can’t believe this is happening!
Honestly, I have to take this all one step at a time. When I start to think about this journey in the context of it’s length – how long I’ll be away from my family and friends – it gets extremely overwhelming. I was in that mindset often the past few weeks because of all the goodbyes I had to say and preparation I had to do. This weekend, for instance, my parents flew with me to Atlanta for launch, and I was an emotional wrEck. I felt a constant urge to cry the whole first day. But the Lord met me in the eye of my emotional tornado and spoke such soul-soothing words. He said “just stay by me”. And the peace I had in Him, knowing that He was right there with me, loving me through one of my darker days, brought me comfort like nothing else.
As the weekend went on, the Lord proceeded to speak truth over my fears, perfectly seeing my worries about the race (and really, life in general) and addressing them perfectly. My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be as amazing and bold and impactful as I wanted to be. See, when I envision these next nine months, I dream of changing LIVES and HEALING the sick and sharing the good news of Christ EVERY single day. But Jesus sweetly reminded me this weekend that it’s not my effort that will make a difference – it’s His Spirit. AKA, it’s not me that they need – it’s Him. What I can do is NOTHING compared to what He can do. Frankly, I am a mess! I am always going to make mistakes, I’m always going to have days where I lack courage or faith or energy. But His grace. O, His grace! He died on the cross so I know longer have to live up to expectations of perfection. He is the perfect one, and I no longer have to prove myself. Despite my weaknesses, somehow, He sees me as His righteous, beloved child. He can use a floundering human like me to do heavenly good on Earth, and that is a miracle.
This came as such good news to me this weekend, when I really needed it. I was starting to think so hard about all the things that ~I~ am going to do, and not what ~HE~ is going to do. My wonderful friend Jen reminded me of a verse, Ephesians 3:20: “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we could ask or think, according to the power at work within us.” He is going to do things more amazing than I can even imagine, things that I could never do on my own! His spirit is going to lead me into incredible opportunities. I don’t have to worry, plan, or stress, because it’s just not about me. It’s not about my faith, my courage, my successes, or more often, my failures. It’s about Him. And He is always, always good.
So I am renewed with excitement about these next nine months, and all of the adventures He has planned for me. I am releasing the pressure I’ve put on myself and handing everything over to the One who can do far more than I could possibly imagine.
Loving you far,
Claire
