Last weekend I went to a Leader conference for Young Life where all the leaders in North and South Carolina came together. This was probably one of my favorite weekends ever. Being in the same room as 2000+ people worshiping our heavenly father, reuniting with friends from all over, and being reminded of the reason I wanted to lead Young life was just sweet. I could not ask for a better time and better people to get to spend it with. Seeing so many friends brought the kind of excitement that just makes ya wanna scream! When I got home all I could think was “thank you Jesus for the sweet sweet friendships you have gifted to me.” Unfortunately, with this feeling of awe and thankfulness came doubt and fear. The enemy really knows how to spit lies at you when you’re feeling good. I felt unsure about my decision to go on the race for the first time. I started to wonder if I had made a mistake by deciding to leave for 9 months. I mean really why would I want to leave these people that I love and what kind of friendships and fun am I gonna be missing out on while I’m gone. And after a weekend of talking about ways to be a better leader and building relationships with high school friends, what was I thinking leaving for 9 months at such an important time??
I am confident that these feelings were not from the Lord and when I take a step back I am reminded of all the reasons I have for wanting to go on the race. I have to step back and remember that the Lord called me to step out in faith and come with him on this journey. He has challenged me to trust in him, and not put my faith in people and friendships. I worked at Windy Gap this summer on the ropes course and everyday we would ask kids to take a leap of faith off the tower and trust that their harness would catch them. Now God is asking me to take a leap of faith into the unknown and trust that he is my harness and he will catch me. I know that there are gonna be so many beautiful things and that as much as I have fallen in love with the people and places I have been and am in, I will fall in love with where he takes me next and the people in those places. How could I look back on what God has done in my life and not believe that what is to come will be anything less than unimaginably wonderful. Not to mention I get to spend 9 months doing nothing but serving Him. No distractions. Wow! I can’t imagine what God is going to do in my heart as I see more of the world he’s created and get to serve his kingdom in places that my small mind forgets even exist. I can’t wait to be humbled by the vast nature of God’s kingdom and beauty and love and experience the limitations I put on him fade away.
Today I he is telling me to silence the fear that is holding me back from being all in this by rejoicing in who God is and the spirit of adventure he has given me. I am finding peace in how little I know and how much I will never understand about God’s greater plan. Easier said than done, but I know in my heart he will never let me fail.
