As i write this i am sitting in my cozy dorm room here in tiny tiny monmouth. It seems crazy to even think about the fact that next school year i will be across the world.
If you know me at all you know i LOVE familiarity, i love overthinking EVERY little thing, i absolutely hate making decisions and i love thinking i can control what’s to come. So you must be thinking how in the heck did i think about let alone commit to this crazy journey?! Well i quickly became content and knew this was the ultimate plan.
I moved to Monmouth in August. The month before that i served on work crew at Washington Family Ranch for the second time. During that month i was in this place of feeling stuck, feeling like God was pouring into those around me but leaving me to fend for myself since i had done this before, feeling like my relationship with him wasn’t enough since it didn’t have this drastic leap like it did the first time i served. Well i am happy to say i was WRONG. Quickly as the month progressed my eyes became clear, i began to fill all the lies i have ever told myself with truths. I began to see God in the little things, the ugly things, and how he was revealing himself in all the doubt i had been losing myself in. That month one of the biggest things i began to learn was to REST, to simply sit in his presence, listen and find how he speaks to me. i came home from the ranch with my cup overflowing. Moving to monmouth was just a few short weeks away and i couldn’t wait… FREEDOM. COLLEGE. Everything i’d ever waited for was right around the corner but as the time progressed i began to feel like for some reason the plans i had made weren’t for me anymore. I told my mom that i wished i hadn’t committed to college. that i wished i chose to take a gap year first. It became clear to me that God quickly was putting on my heart the desire to serve. I’ve never even liked school anyways. So what did i do? i IGNORED it. I said sayonara to that feeling, packed up my things and continued my plans of college. I chose the freedom i wanted.
Fall term was ROUGH as heck. I struggled a lot with judgment from others due to my religious beliefs, lack of community, my roommate and i were NOT pals (we’re friends now don’t worry!) and i began to doubt God’s entire plan for me. How could my experience that everyone is supposed to love start off so horrible? I returned to WaFaRa for a weekend as a leader in November. The place where it all started for me. Familiarity. I got away with people i love most, cleared my head, lead my girls and realized what i’d been forgetting and ignoring the entire time- Gods voice and his plans. I came home and things at college became way better. I became stronger in my faith and didn’t care about what others thought about me. I made tons of friends and spent more time with the Lord. Except i still ignored the feeling of college not being where i was suppose to be. I’d tell all of my friends “my biggest regret is that i’m at college and didn’t take a gap year to see what the Lord’s calling me to”. But silly me i chose to not take action.
That is until recently! With winter term quickly approaching God stayed persistent. i still had the feeling that i should be doing something greater. My mom of all people brought this to my attention and helped me realized that i’m not “stuck” in college now. (If you know my mom you know that her bringing up the idea of me leaving the country for 9 months isn’t typically something she would mention) In that moment i realized maybe this whole time God has been telling me to “just apply.” After much prayer I finally chose to not just sit back and ignore this feeling. I applied and with much excitement quickly went through the interview process. My senior year of high school i did this study and during that time my leader asked us what we would do if we felt like God asked us to give up college for him.. I remember being in that exact moment. With laughter i replied HECK NO that would never happen! It’s crazy to me because suddenly here i am, in college, feeling like i’m living in that EXACT moment.
I got accepted.
But why route 6??
The route i originally chose was not the route i’m on now. God revealed to me a choice; go on route 4 (what i picked) or go on route 6 with a close friend. something i told myself the entire application process i did not want to do. I love familiarity but i wanted my own experience and i didn’t want to hold one of my best friends back from the ways God is going to work in her. Just when i finally thought i knew my plans for next year he offered me something new. (c’mon man don’t you know i hate making decisions?!) After loads of prayer and a few heart to hearts i knew what to do. I realized i’ve prayed for this- a friend to live life out with no matter what life throws, a best friend to walk alongside me, a friend strong in their faith. I have no doubt that i’m going to be best friends with everyone on my route but he was offering me someone i will be able to grow close to and be blessed to live life out with even after the race. Again he was putting something so heavy on my heart i couldn’t ignore. I walked up to my friend sobbing at church with the news “i’m going on route six”. The next morning i woke up to a text from the race saying there was a spot for me on this route… How cool is he?! God changed my plans AGAIN.
I’m sure me doing this gap year is right more than i’ve ever been sure of anything else. I’m content. I’ve found myself not overthinking the months to come and recognizing that his plans are very good. So i’m saying sayonara to college for now and trusting whatever he has in store for me throughout this journey. I’ve never imagined myself doing something like this so i am just as shocked as all of you but i cannot wait to grow during this journey and spread the good news.
Thanks for reading.
Catch ya next blog!
Love y’all, Cass
