Yahweh Yireh the God who provides. God, my father. The One who provides for me.
Today, I felt a miracle take place right in front of me. I checked my account summary and my Father has provided me the first $5,000 necessary for me to follow this calling. Three anonymous checks provided me the $2,000 left I needed in the next 5 days.
Let me tell you, fundraising thus far has been a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster of belief, faith, doubt, worry, peace, worship, and blessing. It’s been a long, difficult wait. But, you know what, I would not trade it for a thing. All along, God has been speaking to me, His daughter, to keep patiently waiting, trusting, and focusing because the blessings are right around the corner. He’s been drawing my heart deeper and deeper into His, not because it’s the easy, obvious, convenient choice, but it’s because I love Him. And boy do I love Him. That’s why every day I’ve lived this life is priceless to me. Because of it all, good and bad, I’ve never loved Him more than I do right now. Yesterday, I had never loved Him more in my life. Today, I love Him even more than that. That’s how I know I’m walking the exact path God has set for me. Even though, yesterday was unsure. Yesterday I didn’t have a miracle. The true miracle is that it doesn’t matter. A love that isn’t dependent upon anything apart from the nature of God is a love worth living for. And that is by far, the best concept I’ve ever begun to grasp in my whole life.
So, in my transparency, I woke up this morning in utter anxiety. My body heavy from a restless night and my lungs absolutely exhausted, yet still in complete panic. And that’s the truth. Not to cover it up and not to glamorize it. That’s it. That’s just how I woke up this morning. That’s what a lot of mornings are like for me right now. I have no doubt that one day, I will be healed from this, and I also do not discount the responsibility I must take in entrusting my anxieties to my Father. This morning, I made oatmeal and walked my dog. I listened to worship music and prayed for a miracle as I walked down the sidewalk. I prayed to see the fruit of His promise to me. Step by step, I told God it doesn’t matter how fearful I am. I’ve grown tired of being afraid, and so I’m ready to have faith. I will keep standing firm and showing up. I won’t let lies trample me today. Some days I feel like I win, and some days I feel like I lose, but God always wins and that’s what I choose for my heart to know. And isn’t it funny, I came home to a miracle. On a simple, slow Thursday morning just like any other, I came home to a miracle.
And you know what, I cried. Alone in my room and I basked in the wonder of an answered prayer. I cleared my schedule and baked a cake. Because what better way to celebrate such a faithful God than to create a celebration right there, right then. I spent the evening rejoicing with my family. I told my squad and I was blown away by their eagerness to celebrate with me. I received so much affirmation from my squadmates, saying they have been praying and some even cried in their rejoicing with me. Because this prayer was that important to them too and they knew God would come through. Friends who check in on me and answer my prayer request texts at 1 am. Friends who love me this much before they have ever seen me in person. Friends who choose to be on my team and in my corner simply because they believe I belong here on this squad with them; because we’re brothers and sisters. What beautiful belongingness. What beautiful support. What beautiful family. I feel utterly undeserving of all of this. And yet, this is only a taste of what my Father has for me.
So, this is a little piece of my today. Maybe it’s a little funny to bake a cake and celebrate for the first $5,000 when I have $11,000 to go, but the money isn’t what it’s about. God is faithful and that’s worth celebrating every day. So, on the day I receive a tangible miracle and the every day I have the miracle of the Holy Spirit and daughtership with the King, I will celebrate who God is.
Psalm 68:19 “Praise the Lord; Praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms.”
So, maybe, tomorrow you should get up and bake a cake. Miracles or not, worship doesn’t have to be singing every time. dancing. baking. running. painting. whatever it is. Don’t forget to celebrate when given the chance.
And to my supporters, thank you for offering your life as a vessel; don’t underestimate what a beautiful song that is to the Lord. You are changing everything for me.
-b
