At first glance, this testimony may not seem great. Even as I write this, it feels kind of small. Who would really want to read this, I thought. But as I’ve waited, the Lord reminded me that He is not only the God of visible and “big” things. He is the God of everything: seen and hidden, great and little. In Him, nothing is insignificant or hidden or “small”. There is no darkness where He does not shine and there is no space in all of creation where He is not breathing and moving and working. He has entrusted this testimony to me, and He is right here in this blog: breathing, teaching, transforming!
Steve Baleanu is a sixty-year-old man who loves Jesus.
I met Steve in Lake Charles, Louisiana while working with Samaritan’s Purse disaster relief alongside a squad of 30 World Racers. Steve drove from California to volunteer for two weeks. He had no plans after that (no place to stay, no form of income) but he knew his God was in control. Steve knows Jesus! He inquired about local housing and sought out some job opportunities, but rested in the sovereignty and the goodness of God. Steve trusts Jesus!
After spending 12 eight-hour days being Christ’s selfless love for the people of Lake Charles, Steve was informed that the Samaritan’s Purse camp no longer had a place for him, so he packed up all of his belongings and moved into a nearby temporary housing unit—a place that charged rent by the week. The apartment was not in good shape, there was no HVAC system, and Steve had a roommate who frequently taunted him for his old age. He stayed for several weeks as he started working for a roofing company, continuing to repair damage done by the recent natural disasters, Hurricanes Laura and Delta.
One night, Steve called me. It had been a few weeks since I had seen him. My squad and I had returned to the Adventures in Missions campus in Georgia. He started telling me how he was doing. He was working long days and didn’t have the space to rest. This was his life.
I still can’t understand what this pain was like. I’ve never felt this, but I could feel the discouragement. It was heavy! The Lord opened up a door for me to pray over Him, speaking truth that neither of us could tangibly feel in the moment. Praise God that the basis for truth is not found in human feelings or emotions. I was still allowed to say these powerful words that I could not fathom.
Our call got disconnected shortly after the prayer.
My squad was given the following week off to spend Thanksgiving with our families. This week was heavy spiritually, but I was looking forward to returning to my community, the place where the Lord teaches me and uses me. I went through a challenging week spiritually, with my hope in those people, in that place.
The day after Thanksgiving, I learned that I would not be able to complete the remainder of my semester as a team leader with the World Race due to a Covid outbreak. I was stuck at home, a place that’s hard for me. I felt alone. The darkness was still present. I did not feel good.
The Lord was still good in that moment. I knew that. I could’ve told you that, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t know it, but I wanted to know it.
It was in this place of grief and pain that I got a call from Steve; this call was different. As he began to tell me how he was doing, there was a clear difference in his voice; he sounded happy.
A week or two after we had last talked, he was driving back to his apartment from church. Steve began to pray: “God, you’ve been so good to me. I don’t deserve to ask you for anything, but please get me out of this place.”
A couple hours later (A COUPLE OF HOURS), he was looking through the newspaper and saw an ad for a new place to stay. One ad that stood out was a real house that was completely free to live in. An elderly woman needed someone to look after her. Steve visited her later that afternoon. When Steve was at a place of great financial and emotional need, our God provided him a place of rest, a place of love, and a place of light. It’s in Steve’s weakness that our God’s power is made perfect.
As he told me this story, Steve began to cry.
“What did I do to deserve this?” It’s a rhetorical question with a clear and concise answer: nothing. These words hit me like a cold glass of water in the middle of a desert. The radiance of humility and joy and wonder blessed me. Our God provided me with a sweet moment of stillness and the truth of His faithfulness–a truth I will never even approach fully grasping, but I want more of it.
God worked Steve’s pain and loss for His glory. But He also worked them for Steve’s good. This situation was prepared beforehand as the place where an undeserving servant of the Father would again encounter the goodness of God, which is hidden from the eyes of the lost, but abundant for those whom He loves:
“Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind” (Psalm 31:19).
Steve’s testimony didn’t remove me from the confusion or the darkness that I felt. But God spoke through it so clearly, “there is more!”
There is more than what I can see. There is more than what I can feel. There is more than what I know. God is so much greater than what I can see. He is so much more real, more present than my feelings. And His character is not limited to what I think I understand about Him.
It’s in this truth that I put my hope: God is so much greater, working all things for my good. He is FOR me. He is WITH me. He doesn’t need me to work for Him. He is good. He satisfies me wherever He leads me, in the deserts and the green pastures. He is revealing Himself to me, transforming me with the light of the glory of Jesus Christ—a work that will surely be brought to completion in His timing, so that my righteousness might be for His glory, not a product of my striving. I will be with Him forever. And I will be like Him, because I will see Him as He is.
It’s in this truth that I marvel and I wait and I rest.
This is how Steve reflects on this testimony: “This is another confirmation that I don’t need to worry. I’m in God’s hands and He can use me no matter how bad of a sinner that I am. He’s my only hope and the only Father that ever listens to me. He’s helped me and guided me throughout my life: Amen and Amen!”
