1 Corinthians 2: 1-5
By: Apostle Paul and Angelica Spence
Paul: “And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.”
My words: “Listen ya’ll. I’m not coming to you with beautiful words or big knowledge that makes me an expert on any of this… I’m still fresh in the stage of actually learning to radically live for God.”
Paul: “For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.”
My words: “The only thing I know for certain is that Jesus is within my soul, his life has given me a brand new one, and I want to share it with the world!”
Paul: “I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling.”
My words: “And yo fam, this is some SCARY STUFF! Ya girl ain’t even been out of the country before! WUTT!? Much less out of the country to proclaim the gospel!”
Paul: “My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.”
My Words: “So this isn’t gonna be a flawless journey. But this is going to be a process of watching a flower bloom that God has planted in my soul… a flower that is growing so steadily big that the petals are extending outside of my physical body, touching everything around me! I hope you can look at my life, and see nothing more than the name of Jesus and the incredible power of God glorified to the highest degree!”
In the same way that I debated for the last several weeks on how to make the words in this first post absolutely ‘perfect,’ and realized ‘perfection’ is an unattainable state of being, I also didn’t come to my faith in some place of perfection in my life. In fact, I’m still in the messy middle regarding a lot of my existence. The beautiful thing about God is that He doesn’t ask us to come to Him perfect; He asks us to come to Him willing. Willing to surrender the control we hold onto and to simply follow Him. He welcomes us to come to Him right in the middle of our broken, our hurt, our confusion, and our uncertainties. After all, He is God. He’s handled a lot more in this life than just me with my issues. Can I get an ‘amen?’
So instead of a perfectly worded post, I want to come to you as the raw, real me; to share some of the dreams of a normal 28 year-old girl with a heart on fire to love the world… a heart on fire to share the freedom I’ve found through my faith in Jesus.
(Play this song to feel how I feel while reading the rest of this post; trust me, you’ll see into my heart with this one!)
In just 8 short months, I will be embarking upon the greatest adventure of my life thus far: an 11 month, 11 country missions trip with The World Race! Even typing those words on this page feels so surreal to me! But hey, God does incredibly big things with our lives and our futures when we let Him. He’s certainly done that with mine.
From as far back as I can remember, I have always been a believer, but I never wanted to be too much of a believer, ya know? I thought raising your hands during worship songs was excessive. I thought people that were super involved in the church were maybe just bored in their own lives and needed something to do. I thought a lot of believers were just out putting on some fake show to get people into the industry of “faith.” I certainly thought that missionaries were quite literally off their rockers. Give up everything to go serve God full time? You must be kidding me. I never wanted to be one of “those people.”
I was usually always attending church in some form or fashion, but it was never something I felt super thrilled to be a part of… until the first day I walked into Passion City Church. That church was… different. The people were different… so very different. Putting how different it was into words is almost unexplainable, but the presence of God is so vibrantly alive and so full when you’re inside that building, and surrounded by the people that call that place “home.” It’s as if they release some kind of holy gas within those walls, and as soon as you step onto the premises of the parking lot, you feel it. It encompasses you. You feel immediately safe and whole. When I walked in, I immediately felt the Holy Spirit there. Inside that building on Garson Drive is where my faith was re-written, re-birthed, and rebuilt. Inside that building is where I left behind being a surface level believer, truly encountered the Living God, and began to crave living for Him in a whole new way.
The idea of “we are Jesus people so we must be perfect” was never a message that was given. Everyone just brings their brokenness to the table at Passion! The mentality is literally come as you are; bring every bit of ‘you’ and let God do something with it. Let God do something great with it! My own story and pain and struggles have power and purpose and distinction! My story isn’t wrong where it is, it’s right where it’s supposed to be! But I learned I have to lean on God to figure out what He’s trying to tell me with my current circumstances. I don’t know much in this world, but I know I sought out solace and peace in every way, shape, form, and person possible before I finally gave up and gave it to God… I mean really gave it to God. That was the best decision I ever made.
And let me tell you: the more I gave up, the more He gave back. Somehow, over time, I am now one of “those people” that I never (knew I) wanted to be! One of those hand raising, loud praising, feet tappin’, constant praying, joy flowing, people loving, church going people! And that has happened NOT by being doing it my way, but by giving up of myself, and putting my life into God’s hands. Praying that God will make me literally live to be more like Jesus did.
If you had told me a year ago or even six months ago that missionary work would be in my future, I would’ve probably laughed in your face and said “HA! Yeah right.” And yet here I am. Gearing up for one of the most intense and amazing experiences I may ever have in my life… to travel the world for 11 months and share my testimony and my story… to share that the reason for my freedom, my light, and my joy comes from the power of the Cross, and the beautiful name of Jesus Christ. “Freely you have received, now freely give.” (Matthew 10:8) I have never felt a verse ring more true to my soul.
I’ll be honest, leaving my mortgage, my beautiful condo, my paid off car, and all my friends and family behind for nearly a year was not in the plan for my life this year. And sure, many people will think I’m “off my rocker” for doing it too. But God takes our currently great situations (or sometimes currently awful situations) and molds and shapes them into stories that He’s writing for us; more great and wonderful than we can even process or imagine! I am walking proof of His faithfulness, and I want my life to forever embody that truth.
Two years ago when I was wasted in the bars every weekend, documenting the crazy nights and lavish travel adventures on social media, and filtering my life to be some awesome highlight reel to the rest of the world, my heart belonged to myself and to the demands of society. I was more broken then than I was even able to see at the time. I can’t explain it any other way than my heart no longer belongs to me. There is a Spirit and a fire that literally lives within me and is growing bigger and wilder and brighter by the day.
One beautiful thing about The Race is that we spend an entire month in each country we visit; focusing on missions, community, and intimacy with the Lord. I will be a part of missions projects aiding to orphans, homeless populations, poverty stricken lands, victims of sex slavery and human trafficking. I’ll also get to love on and bond with the team (AKA “my squad!”) that I’ll be serving on during this adventure. We will get to know the families and faces of people in these communities we’re visiting. We will quite literally be forming life-changing relationships and friendships, with phone screens out of sight and hearts wide open to one another. And lastly, a large part of this trip is focused on just me and God, and how we want to grow the beautiful relationship that is already in place. Through days of rest, days of work, and days of adventure, I will be traveling the globe, seeing sights and scenes I’ve only ever dreamed about, and sharing stories of the name that saved my life. That name is Jesus: the name that encompasses the definition of love, grace, humility, kindness, generosity, and the willingness to go wherever and do whatever His Father asked of Him. I’m not perfect, but I’m willing, and I am so beyond ready to go change this world with my little girl dreams & a beyond big Father leading me through every moment of the journey. This is only the beginning, and I cannot wait to share this season of my life with you. I can’t wait for you to see God at work. It’s gonna be incredible; I just know it.
“But by the grace of God, I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.”
1 Corinthians 15: 10
